A day of rest...................Amsterdam pt 3

No cricket today, so another normal day for Jacko & Deno, but a great chance to unwind & relax for the rest of us, which of course we spurned. The only plan, was to meet Rich at 4pm to go for a tour round Amsterdam in his boat, have a few quiet beers, and mix with the locals. How best to prepare for this kind & generous offer made by our host ?  I know, lets consume lots of  beer..........then buy another 300 euros of beer to take on the boat, just to make sure we all thoroughly relax-target achieved, although actually Templedoom seemed a bit edgy getting on the boat for some strange reason.

You can clearly see Dave here in the "brace" position, as if he is expecting something to happen........

Now Dave reckons he's unlucky, but today the God of Ginger Hair was smiling down on him, as he was odds on to be first into the canal as we set off, but events took a strange twist,when an uninvited guest boarded our boat. This guy was holding his own until he mentioned the "W" word. A quick verification followed, that his home town was indeed Cardiff, and he somehow found his way into the Prinsengracht canal; the shock of cold water forced his mouth wide open in timely fashion, allowing a deluge of dirty fluid down the throat, and it didn't cost him a guilder.
We left the boat on a high, but one of our party, who can't be named for legal reasons,

Openbare Dronkenschap

felt we needed a spot more entertainment. His half hearted attempt to pinch a bike, followed by an exchange of views with a Dutch motorcycle policewoman, resulted in an emphatic victory for the police, and the rest of the touring party were suitably amused. He was last seen being driven off by these two,

 for a good seeing to in the cells. Having promised him we would get his passport and pay his fine asap, we retired to the nearest bar to reconsider his fate.

A few hours later, Openbare Dronkenschap was back with his friends and just 150 euros poorer for the experience. Not content with his days work, he then smashed a glass on the floor, took his flip flops off, stood on the glass, and cut his foot

Dick Heads foot

We ended the day at kitschy Cafe Nol, a hang out for the coolest people in Amsterdam, so naturally Openbare Dronkenschap wasn't invited. We departed in the early hours with our P2 W2 record intact.

Amsterdam part 2

With a win under our belt, and something else under Sammy's belt, we looked forward to visiting "the prettiest ground in Holland" at Bloemendaal. We were told to be on our best behaviour because Harrow School were playing a serious game against the Dutch Lions at the same time. Sure enough, we were impressed with the pretty ground and posh pavilion,

but then sadly were told to bugger off to a nearby cowfield and leave it to the pros. Harrow schoolboys looked quite mature for their years, and had coincedentally, all been on holiday to India recently, but we left them to their fate against a highly tuned Dutch team. Once the cows had been evicted, our ground actually looked OK, and the hosts were friendly, but confusion reigned when we discovered half the team were called Bart.
A quaint "John Harrison" scoreboard & a small garden shed were the extent of the facilities. The introduction of the Moreton megaphone livened things up a little, and some of the initial friendliness seemed to evaporate

Moreton batted first. Jonny "thanks for turning up" Yaxley looked in fine fettle after 27 hours sleep (so he should), and he opened with Co-Tour Manager Nic "thanks for turning the right way" Cross.

Sedate progress, with Rob getting a second duck, runs from Will (top score= proud parents), Fletch & Kaz did well too, but we meandered to a total of 130 off 30 overs, which quite frankly did not look enough. Return to posh pavilion for tea- well actually a plum tomato to share, and watch Harrow underperforming; it transpires that this is a Harrow Tandori 2nd XI and not the famous school team, which explains their apparent incomptetance. Moreton bowl well, with Fletch rising to the top with 4 wickets, and Rob "snaffling" 3 behind the stumps. Lots of useful contributions all round, mean Bart's team fall just short with 121. Played 2 won 2 is sweet.

A great curry followed- wonder why they chose that ? Anyway, it went down a treat, as did the chilli fines afterwards. Thanks to BCC for hosting another entertaining day.

Can you spot (1) the gay umpire, and (2) Sammy's travelling condom bag?

Amsterdam Tour Report 2012 part 1

"Meet at The Beat at midnight" were the extensive tour "joining instructions". A 3 hour wait for the coach was filled with a game of poker. Luckily the coach arrived before anybody had won, so our kitty was off and running. First fine incurred by Kaz for being 3 hours late; 10 Euros per hour = 40 Euros if you don't have the correct money. Fly, train and walk to our "hotel". Our warm up routine includes a ketchup fight outside the hotel, follwed by a warm down in the Glasshopper pub, before taking train to Amsterdam CC. Jonny & Templedoom opt out, because they are tired, or maybe they know something we don't-anyway it's another fine of course, and the revenue streams for the kitty are coming along nicely. Nic had already purchased the I Spy book of Dutch cricket clubs, and this seemed too good an opportunity to let pass. We found VRA, VVCC, XYZ CC and I'm sure we even caught a glimpse of Lords at one point. Our hosts kindly rounded us all up, took us to the correct club, and the 15 over game started about an hour late. Having been up for 36 hours, of which 24 were spent drinking, expectation was pitched at a reasonably low level. Tim & Percy van Persie opened, but PvP was soon exposed for lack of fitness, and run out. Will & Rob managed Ducks, once again disappointing their respective parents, and it was left to Tim (33*) & Fletch(27*) whose parents are both very proud, to restore some order, and we finished on 109. Deno took to umpiring, like a duck to the fast lane of the M4, and our bowlers were always in control, except Will "wide boy" Macdonald, who was unable to raise his game to the high levels Bryan, and his parents, expect. Sammy took 3 wickets, and Bryan and Kaz both took 2,with special mention to Tebsy for his good spell-for an amateur. The Landlord managed to spill his beer & faceplant the turf, in a vain attempt to catch Marvin; but at least it woke Jacko up ! Amsterdam fell short with just 91 scored in their 15 overs. To be quite honest, they will never have a better chance to beat us, and this has to go down as a "shocker" for them.

We are now back in Amsterdam, entering the red light district, and I must ask Paul & Sheila Smith to kindly log off, and rejoin us in the morning. Sammy starts with a recce to evaluate the merchandise, which seemed a reasonable idea, but after 3 circuits, the observers were getting restless, and tell him to stop looking for Anne Frank. Finally the boy makes his decision- (Sheila I told you to turn off your computer) and selects Juliet to receive his offering. " How much art thou Juliet ?" This time, in his excitement, he pays the full amount requested, but his error is rectified for later transactions. Juliet turns out too be a bit of a sweety, and gives Sammy a loyalty card for future visits, and promises to write to his parents to congratulate them.  The longest day ends with more drinking & revelry, before retiring to our luxury hotel suites for what was left of the night.

Landlord 44 Plumber -12

Blewbury again this week, thinly disguised as footballers, and bolstered (??) with the addition of David "Traitorelli" Templedoom & I'vehadashitweek "Turncoat" Thompson. We also thought we had the luxury of a professional scorer in the scorebox, but at least Nic generously stepped up, when he failed to show.

Moreton fielded first, and we were treated to more verbal gems from Blewbury's very own D.Uracell- "push it" springs to mind, but unluckily he failed to take his own advice and was soon out. Six bowlers were used, and they shared the spoils fairly evenly, and some astute bowling changes from Swagger kept us in the game, when at one stage Blewbury looked like racking up a big one. Thompy, who if he had an office, would certainly be having a bad week in it, compounded his problems by holing out to a fair catch at deep mid wicket for a duck. Chris batted well for the footballers, and amazingly he is actually a footballer, so credit where it's due. Tebsey, despite being mistaken for Bomber, certainly didn't bowl like him, CC2 turned in solid performance, watched by his coach CC4,  Mark "Sir Francis" Drake bagged 2 on his bowling debut, and the ever dependable "Ees"- Jonny, Sammy & Westy picked up 2 each to cramp the footballers style to such an extent that we really fancied chasing down their total of 118. Fine work behind the timber from CC1, including a slick stumping. Special mention for Tebs senior, who battled on in the field, despite a groin injury, even waving away the vets with green screens at one point.

T.O.P strode out with purpose, but Ed soon felt he had done enough, and headed off for a beer. Wicksey, the Moreton style icon, looked good (of course he did) for a little bit, but oh how Thompy must rue his dropped catch, as Tim started to find the middle of the goose.  As things stand, Thompy's wife to be will be arriving at her wedding in his van,

so maybe he's a bit distracted, but even his shoulder charge of a firm shot, to save a boundary, failed to cover up an absolute shocker for him, as he generally misfielded, misfired, and missed out. Bomber arrived at the wicket, asking lots of questions as usual- "Which way is it seaming ?" " Is it turning ? " "Does my bum look big in this ?"  All rather academic as he took an ugly swipe to a straight one, missed, and returned his large arse to the pavilion. The "Ees" could not contribute with the bat as well as they did with the ball, but luckily Rob was in good touch, and joined Tim on retirees row. The Tebs's came and went, and as we edged nervously towards the target, Tim returned to join Sir Francis for the last 2 overs. Tim, as the senior player took control, and a couple of boundaries eased the pressure. Into the last over, and a single levelled the score, leaving Sir Francis on strike, and an imposing Armada of fielders trying to stop the one run we needed. Tim's advice of "If I say run...." seemed sensible, but Mark had other ideas, and cooly smashed it over their heads for a boundary to cap a great game for him, and for Moreton, and even for the footballers, but definitely not for poor old Thompy.

Next week it's Aston, and we have a new "old" skipper, as Jonny is trying to singlehandedly rescue the Spanish economy. Check your inbox for an email from Ed.

Comfort Blankets v Duathelete ( international challenge)

Blewbury made the epic journey to North Moreton, leaving their beloved plastic pitch behind, but were so far out of their comfort zone, that they felt compelled to bring a couple of  their "stars" to act as a comfort blanket. Apart from this slightly rude behaviour, they acted in exemplary fashion, playing the game in the right spirit, and to be fair, we did field an international duathalete in our team (not that you would have noticed)

Moreton batted first with Wicksy returning from Africa to open the batting with Tim, and both prospered with unbeaten knocks of 25 & 27 respectively. A slowing of the run rate followed, but with the duathalete next in, anything was possible..............................................but sadly, a touch of housewife's knee meant it was not to be today.

 one of the above is an international duathalete with housewife's knee- can you spot who it is ?

This put pressure back on the later batsmen, with Thompy & Sammy responding to the challenge to push us past 100. 108 did not feel enough, but we started positively enough with skipper Jonny on fire, picking up 4 wickets. With Blewbury reeling on 16 for 6, we needed to go in for the kill, but we were aware that their stars were still to bat. Wicksy has recovered from Malaria and a whole host of  other tropical diseases, but the grizzle shoulder is still persisting, preventing him from bowling. Davey T , Dave T, Josh, Simon, Thompy and Smithy all stepped up to the mark, with varying degrees of success, but the game was actually lost when 2 key catches were shelled- hard chances both, so I won't be naming them, but Sammy & Wicksy know who they are. The Barrett barrage of Bear Lane luckily didn't cost the club a small fortune, as he narrowly missed a window and a car, but Blewbury ultimately coasted in, thanks to their comfort blankets.
Final mention to Mark & David who performed admirably on debut, and certainly did not look out of place- well done Bomber for making them look so good !

Next week the footballers aka Blewbury will be here. Watch out for a couple of turncoats...............

Played 1 Won 2

A belated first game of the season for the Thursday night team, played here at The Croft, on a Friday- naturally. When Jonny moved the game to a friday, he must have been privy to a long range weather forecast suggesting it would eventually stop raining 36 days after the hosepipe ban came into force. Inter Allsorts were the intended victim, and Jonny was initially faced with a selection dilemna when 15 people wanted to play. Thankfully he was spared having to tell Bomber he was dropped, as Bomber pulled out with "housewives knee" earlier in the day. Nigel succumbed to cat flu, and with some natural wastage, we achieved a "perfect" 11. After so much rain it was important to adjust to the conditions, and for IA this initially meant they should stop asking where the goalposts were. We agreed a test match format of 2 innings per team, and IA, although they seemed to have some players with performance enhancing gizmos on their ankles, only scored 22 in their first effort, which they seemed quite pleased with, until they were reminded about the lack of goalposts. Jonny led from the front with 3 wickets, but star performer was Simon with a hatrick and 4 wickets from his 2 overs- rumour is that he's a shoe in for the National Village team now. Tebsy took a wicket on debut too which alone was worth his annual membership fee.

So deeply unimpressed werre Moreton with the target of 22, that they declared their first innings without bothering to go out, thus asking IA to bat again with a lead of just 22. A few new bowlers, encouraged by the opportunity to gain valuable fantasy cricket points, stepped up to the crease, and Dave T picked up a couple, and even The Landlord bagged a "collectors item" wicket. IA managed 34 at the second attempt, with one of their players having the dubious distinction of getting out 3 times in the evening.

So a target of 57 to win was set, and the big guns stepped out for Moreton; both were dropped early, and whilst Ed perished soon after, Tim eventually conjured some runs from his Mongoose, top scoring with 17. Ashton couldn't contain himself, with such an easy opportunity to cash in on some mediocre bowling, and he duly got himself a duck. Simon looked quite relaxed at the crease, and even found time to send a mass email whilst at the wicket, telling everyone how good viagra is for him. It was left to Jonny & Kaz to calmly finish off the thrashing-both undefeated in double figures.

The new scoreboard coped well with the flurry of wickets, but, of course, we still don't know if it will register 3 figures.

Next week Cuxham away