Saturday, June 30, 2007
Wot no Beer !
We may be used to playing The Didcot IV, but were rather surprised when The Brewery turned up with just 4 players & no beer; the lack of players would have been acceptable if the beer had materialised. Anyway, charitable sorts that we are, we found them some spares, including a budding, if rather scruffy, Worcestershire player, named Macdonald, a scruffy amateur, called Templeman , and a Welsh import called Mowie- collectively known as "scabs". Our application for charitable status is now quite advanced, following loose bowling and slack fielding;at least the jug count was rising faster than the barometer reading, which was steadfastly stuck in November. Will was dropped twice, and was involved in at least 2 run outs as he strolled the required 22 yards. His cricketing aspirations should perhaps be revised, and a place in Lea & Perrins 2nd XI would seem appropriate, on this showing. A quick mention for Nige, who fielded frenetically, as if he was on speed, and Fuz, who actually was on speed, while the rest of us stuck with valium overdoses. A large total off 15 overs, which I can't recall, always looked beyond us, with their star bowler "Smelly Kelly" being particularly economical. Sam had invested in a new "woodworm" bat, which unfortunately lived up to its name and fell to bits in his hands, and Fuz tried to entertain us with a couple of sixes, but finally the valium prevailed, and we all adjourned to the pub, to drink anything but White Horse.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
The Great Cornish Escape
Our roving reporter has sent in this match report-enjoy.......
A tatty looking bunch of gobby strangers turned up in Moreton today.People were worried, Gerald was notified, the village was put on red alert. However, the immediate concern turned out to be misplaced. These loudmouth larrikins were in fact a shambolic excuse for a cricket team that had been invited here by Fuzzy(only just paid my subs)Meldrew! Anyway onto the game. (Can I play Nigel, can I play) Steeno opened the innings with the in-form (soon to be disgraced) Bomber. It didn't take long for Bomber to prove that his 29 not out last week was an incredible stroke of luck as opposed to a new dawn, by the way he surrendered his wicket for 4 in a hapless fashion! In came Josh, 11 years old full of enthusiasm and what followed was something I hope I never ever see on a cricket field again. Josh was out second ball and to witness their their celebrations you would think that they had just dismissed Brian Lara/Sachin Tendulkar/Viv Richards/Will Macdonald (take your pick)! In came Wilfy, who never looked in trouble, making his early season form look like a distant nightmare. Steeno then played a shot that was more becoming of a little tiny girl the way he poofed the ball in the air to a gobshite fielder stood no more than 2 yards away! The next man in was the skipper Jonny who walked to the crease with a series of unimaginative Bill Bailey based comments ringing in his ears.Wilfy departed shortly afterwards, unlucky to be run out by a direct hit from the little gobby curly one. Out strode Wicksy (to some equally unimaginative long hair/beard based banter) and he and the skipper set about putting this ragtag outfit to the sword.
The scoreboard ticked along nicely and Mr Bean, Lanky Streak of Piss et al became more vociferous by the over, with the rain now taking centre stage there was just enough time for Jonny to drive the son of the ginger one from coronation street and the washing powder adverts over extra cover for 6. With the score a comfortable 71 for 4 we finally came in from the rain.
The rain break lasted approximately 2 pints then play resumed on a new look sticky pudding wicket. Runs were at a premium partly due to the state of the pitch and partly due to some accurate bowling from Mr Bean.Then what happened next defied belief!
Steeno who wouldn't know an LBW from a KFC raised his pointy little finger and Wicksy had to walk, given out by an officious little man to a ball so obviously going down the legside it wouldn't have hit another another set of stumps had they been there.With Jonny looking comfortable on 26 not out, Bomber, seemingly worried about being upstaged by his fellow umpire gave the skipper out LBW to a ball which hit him on the front leg which was so far down the wicket it was practically in the opposite popping crease, toys were thrown from the pram and words were exchanged!
Nigel and young Sam took the score past the hundred mark with the latter responding well to the somewhat inappropriate banter from Lanky Streak of Piss with a sweetly struck 4. At 104 for 6 from 16 overs the heavens opened again and ultimately the jollities were brought to a premature end.
This signalled a return to the pub for some much deserved liquid refreshment and the business of young Josh hustling the opposition wicketkeeper Michael (the term wicketkeeper being used in it's loosest form!) and turncoat guest star Dougie, out of a tenner in a catching competition. Bomber the umpire was caught accepting a drink from Lanky Streak of Piss (the bowler who benefited from his total lack of understanding of the LBW law) and as usual Steeno didn't join his team-mates for a drink!
Man of the Match : Lanky Streak of Piss (Olly) for his buttock/loin based sledging, his comedy fielding letting a ball straight through his legs for 4 and his all round entertainment!
A tatty looking bunch of gobby strangers turned up in Moreton today.People were worried, Gerald was notified, the village was put on red alert. However, the immediate concern turned out to be misplaced. These loudmouth larrikins were in fact a shambolic excuse for a cricket team that had been invited here by Fuzzy(only just paid my subs)Meldrew! Anyway onto the game. (Can I play Nigel, can I play) Steeno opened the innings with the in-form (soon to be disgraced) Bomber. It didn't take long for Bomber to prove that his 29 not out last week was an incredible stroke of luck as opposed to a new dawn, by the way he surrendered his wicket for 4 in a hapless fashion! In came Josh, 11 years old full of enthusiasm and what followed was something I hope I never ever see on a cricket field again. Josh was out second ball and to witness their their celebrations you would think that they had just dismissed Brian Lara/Sachin Tendulkar/Viv Richards/Will Macdonald (take your pick)! In came Wilfy, who never looked in trouble, making his early season form look like a distant nightmare. Steeno then played a shot that was more becoming of a little tiny girl the way he poofed the ball in the air to a gobshite fielder stood no more than 2 yards away! The next man in was the skipper Jonny who walked to the crease with a series of unimaginative Bill Bailey based comments ringing in his ears.Wilfy departed shortly afterwards, unlucky to be run out by a direct hit from the little gobby curly one. Out strode Wicksy (to some equally unimaginative long hair/beard based banter) and he and the skipper set about putting this ragtag outfit to the sword.
The scoreboard ticked along nicely and Mr Bean, Lanky Streak of Piss et al became more vociferous by the over, with the rain now taking centre stage there was just enough time for Jonny to drive the son of the ginger one from coronation street and the washing powder adverts over extra cover for 6. With the score a comfortable 71 for 4 we finally came in from the rain.
The rain break lasted approximately 2 pints then play resumed on a new look sticky pudding wicket. Runs were at a premium partly due to the state of the pitch and partly due to some accurate bowling from Mr Bean.Then what happened next defied belief!
Steeno who wouldn't know an LBW from a KFC raised his pointy little finger and Wicksy had to walk, given out by an officious little man to a ball so obviously going down the legside it wouldn't have hit another another set of stumps had they been there.With Jonny looking comfortable on 26 not out, Bomber, seemingly worried about being upstaged by his fellow umpire gave the skipper out LBW to a ball which hit him on the front leg which was so far down the wicket it was practically in the opposite popping crease, toys were thrown from the pram and words were exchanged!
Nigel and young Sam took the score past the hundred mark with the latter responding well to the somewhat inappropriate banter from Lanky Streak of Piss with a sweetly struck 4. At 104 for 6 from 16 overs the heavens opened again and ultimately the jollities were brought to a premature end.
This signalled a return to the pub for some much deserved liquid refreshment and the business of young Josh hustling the opposition wicketkeeper Michael (the term wicketkeeper being used in it's loosest form!) and turncoat guest star Dougie, out of a tenner in a catching competition. Bomber the umpire was caught accepting a drink from Lanky Streak of Piss (the bowler who benefited from his total lack of understanding of the LBW law) and as usual Steeno didn't join his team-mates for a drink!
Man of the Match : Lanky Streak of Piss (Olly) for his buttock/loin based sledging, his comedy fielding letting a ball straight through his legs for 4 and his all round entertainment!
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Brewery hammered
Those jolly nice chaps from White Horse Brewery, arrived with beer in't boot, and the forecast rain stayed away long enough for us to repay their generosity, with a good thrashing. I think I wouldn't choose to field first if there's beer on tap in the pavilion, but then I also wouldn't choose to park my pick up truck at long leg either. Anyway, the driver will be showing everyone his souvenir scar from the landlord for a while to come. The Bomber hit form with the bat, and retired on 29, and other highlights included Captain Marvelous with a cameo innings, and Sam's cracking 4 off his first ball. Talking of balls, what was that loud hollow sound emanating from Tompe's box ? Rob's duck halved his average, which is only fair- in fact it's more than fair. Judas Fletcher caught Matt-thanks pal, but127 still looked enough.
Matt opened up with a fierce first over, taking 2 wickets, including Andy with the first ball of their innings. Ollie "Harmo" Squires kept them on their toes with a variety of wides no balls & wickets, and although a few catches went down, we were always in control. Johnny, who has just finished reading Michael Vaughan's new book, tweaked the field after every ball, so it was nearly midnight when we wrapped it up. Anyway, like Vaughany, he's also patched things up with the scruffy, pedalo loving, lager lout, of the team, and Fuz has now finally paid his subs. How did we manage without his awesome contribution?
Man of the match= The Bomber
Matt opened up with a fierce first over, taking 2 wickets, including Andy with the first ball of their innings. Ollie "Harmo" Squires kept them on their toes with a variety of wides no balls & wickets, and although a few catches went down, we were always in control. Johnny, who has just finished reading Michael Vaughan's new book, tweaked the field after every ball, so it was nearly midnight when we wrapped it up. Anyway, like Vaughany, he's also patched things up with the scruffy, pedalo loving, lager lout, of the team, and Fuz has now finally paid his subs. How did we manage without his awesome contribution?
Man of the match= The Bomber
Friday, June 08, 2007
Victor "Fuz" Meldrew hasn't paid his subs....
The main story this week is not our traumatic loss to some people near Wales, but rather that Fuz is witholding his MCC subs until he is selected to play. I don't believe it ! Apparently rather miffed that a totally shit player, who lives nearby, should be picked ahead of him, he has vowed not to pay until picked, which of course is not possible under current club rules. Watching from the wings, he was critical of our performance tonight- quite rightly-but wouldn't it be more helpful to pay up and get involved rather than bitch from the sidelines ? Luckily SKY weren't here to record the spat, and I am happy to say team spirit is still high.
Batting first, we scored steadily, with Tim top scoring and Nigel going well until he committed Hari Kari. Wickets fell steadily until a great rally from Robbo & Tadcaster, who managed a six from a forward defensive off the last ball, thanks to twatty fielding from the Welsh. Even Fuz agreed that 101 wasn't as bad as it might have been.
Aston ticked over at 6 per over until Simon Claridge "purchased" a wicket for 3 sixes in his first over-probably not his best buy - and they were looking confident, with Howard "bungie" arm Williams his usual self in the field. A bit of late sledging from Captain Swagger, threatened some respectability, but SC lost it on a low note with one going between the the legs for four.
Man of the Match - Tompy who got a duck, dropped a catch, but bowled well and paid his subs.
PS Blewbury are complete twats- did you see Sky's Cricket AM ?
Batting first, we scored steadily, with Tim top scoring and Nigel going well until he committed Hari Kari. Wickets fell steadily until a great rally from Robbo & Tadcaster, who managed a six from a forward defensive off the last ball, thanks to twatty fielding from the Welsh. Even Fuz agreed that 101 wasn't as bad as it might have been.
Aston ticked over at 6 per over until Simon Claridge "purchased" a wicket for 3 sixes in his first over-probably not his best buy - and they were looking confident, with Howard "bungie" arm Williams his usual self in the field. A bit of late sledging from Captain Swagger, threatened some respectability, but SC lost it on a low note with one going between the the legs for four.
Man of the Match - Tompy who got a duck, dropped a catch, but bowled well and paid his subs.
PS Blewbury are complete twats- did you see Sky's Cricket AM ?
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