Bomber luvs Will's Helmet

Moreton entertained WSC on an overcast evening, and batted first. Staino showed the crowd some textbook batting as he crawled to a top score of 22 off 9 overs, but others were perishing at the other end. Entertainment was thin on the ground until Tim tested the glass in the pavilion doors, and Bomber walked in with more protection than a jury in a Mafia trial. Unfortunately he couldn't see the ball for all the visors & grills, so kindly given by Will, so he got out cheaply. Thompy & the Tail wagged nicely to post an almost respectable score of 116. Captain Y opened the bowling, but made the mistake of handing the ball to Bomber at the other end, who generously donated 20 off his first over to give WSC a sniff of victory. Luckily Nic & Sam bowled well, & Lockey kept a tidy wicket, to keep the game in the balance until the final over, when 7 were required for victory.

Who would Jonny choose to bowl this all important final over ? Bomber was the outsider of 11 on the pitch, but JY, had a fiver on him at 33/1 and threw him the ball, as the crowd muttered "you twat" under their breath. Luckily Bomber was nerveless, and bowled a near perfect over to seal victory for Moreton in a thriller.

Come on Guys...........................

A comprehensive victory for Moreton over Mill St Wanderers. Sam, Tim, Vixi, & Sam ensured we had a healthy total to defend. One of the batting casualties was the captain who had to be sacrificed in the team cause (sorry mate !) but more than 8 an over always looked enough, so who cares ? Bomber snatched the gloves, after Steeno had kindly rubbed his back inbetween innings, and he chirrupped away all through their innings with phrases such as "come on guys" in a Dale Winton accent. This certainly put off Mill St, and combined with some tidy bowling and a great catch by Sam Smith, we always had things well under control,even allowing for Fletch dropping a sitter. A good game, and the captains eventually agreed to shake hands, so we're all still friends.


Tally Ho !

Dutch Masters

Post Bomber's puking, we rocked up at Rotterdam for a relaxing 2 day break. Some wanted a schmoke, some wanted a drink, Bry wanted an eastern european, and Wicksy wanted Dutch Art. This slightly odd lust should have rung alarm bells with the rest of us, but we just laughed it off as eccentric. Wicksy revealed his true (orange) colours the next day when playing for oppo.A true master of the undercover role, none of us had ever suspected he could actually play cricket, but when the time came Judas van Wicksbasten, as we now know him, produced a blinding spell of bowling to rip out the heart of his own team- what a little shit !! Despite decent knocks from Will, John H & Tim, van Wicksbasten & his new friends prevailed, and he has now sought refuge at Anne Frank`s House.
Elsewhere Percy Ronay was briefly in charge of restaurant selection, but his tenure is thankfully now over, and we are all gradually recovering from the food poisoning.On to Eindhoven today for more entertainment...........

Laters

new pb 4 bomber

bomber set a new record 4 puking when he chucked at reading services.

Germans turned over

Allan Lamb dutifully turned out in the rain to collect his Miele Dishwasher, and was astonished at the skills on show in North Moreton; apparently what surprised him most was Fuz going "all in " with just 10-4 off suit !
Moreton sought revenge for an abject display early in the season, and followed Croatia's example with a convincing win over the Krauts. Highlights included the return of Capt Yaxley, who unfortunately faced some unplayable bowling, a rare, and brief, sighting of the "lesser spotted" Squires, & some sweet hitting from Charlie & Fuz. I couldn't see much more through the rain, but I did see Allan Lamb drinking Magners whilst practicing his golf shots with an umbrella, occasionally looking up to officiate & shake his head at some of the woeful shots being played. Bomber celebrated the arrival of his bus pass with yet another score of 13- some might say this is an unlucky score for him ? The post match pep talk from the great one included many references to "not giving up the day job" until someone pointed out that half the team don't have jobs to give up.

Relief for Allan arrived in the shape of a BBQ and more Magners, coupled with copious amounts of autograph signing, which I'm sure our grandchildren will treasure in years to come.
Personally I think Lambey should be knighted, so we can call him "Serallan".

Thanks for an entertaining evening !

A pair of silver foxes spotted at The Bear

Aston too good.......

Some erratic bowling, good fielding & Dicky umpiring,(Unbelievably, their umpire retracted his lbw decision, when the batsmen told him he had hit it !!) allowed Aston to score 20 runs too many on a tricky batting track. Good catching from Thompy (3 catches) Dave "the juggler" Templeman & Tim wasn't matched by the bowlers who bowled too many wides, giving the oppo 3 extra overs of batting.
Nigel "The Gasman" Cross and Ivan "The Terrible" Bond had to face some good bowling and perished as they tried to up the tempo. Tim kept the innings going, but we were always behind the clock, despite some crisp hitting from Matt & Air Commodore Denning, at the death.
I still think we are missing a Captain, as it all felt a bit rudderless in the field.
What happened to the comeback Johnny ? Why wasn't Sam playing ?

Thankfully next weeks umpire is not such an arse.............................

Fuz wants to write the report, so over to him......

Moreton by 10...................

Yes wickets not runs.


So how was this ultimate cricket victory achieved ?

1. Modest opposition- very important this one- although Nigel tried his best to screw it up by donating Joe Wardle to them. Have a good look round next time Nige before you open your mouth !

2. In the absence of "Sick Note" Yaxley, we need an audible Captain with some knowledge of cricket- so well done to Tim for selecting Stuart from a short list of one. Some good decisions Stu.

3. One of which was to open up with Oli Squires, who is clearly enjoying his A level exams so much that he's bowling really well- or was he just showing off to his friend Jamie ?

4. Pair him with a bowler (?) who is so erratic, it de-stabilises the batsmen, who are all tearing muscles trying to reach the ball- nice one Bomber !

5.Bring on Matt & Sam to tighten the screw with accurate bowling. Kaz, please take note Sam is a much better bowler than Bomber, as his 4 for sweet f.a. proves. Use him or lose him, or his bike.

6.Ask Fuz to pay his subs. This incensed him so much, that he fielded magnificently, including hitting a single stump from 20 metres. That's £50 for club membership please Fuz !

7. Only let Carl touch the ball 3 times in the whole match- sorry mate !

8. Stick Dave on the boundary- he loves running around like a lunatic & has a good arm- also his ginger head is easy to spot in the gloom.

9. Remind Bomber that he's a shit bowler, and then ask him to open the batting.
The result 34 not out- beauty

10. Buy the Landlord a pint for his unbeaten 29.

Simple init.

See you on Thursday, but be warned Cuxham fail to meet criteria number 1.

Southfield prevail..............

Southfield produced a relatively sprightly team compared to their normal geriatric offering, and batted first on a benign pitch. Moreton seemed rudderless in the early overs, and conceded a few too many runs with the odd dropped catch thrown in for good measure (oops!). Westy, Joe & Sam all bowled well with Sam's C& B being the highlight, but Southfield posted a decent score, requiring a 7+ per over response. Westy started well, Stuart missed a straight one, and Tim rattled up an unbeaten 32 to put us in a good position. However the daylight was fading fast, and despite Nigel's quickfire 25, we always seemed to be just behind the required rate. This didn't deter Steeno, whose remarkable innings was rudely interrupted by the end of the match- how outrageous !
C U next Thursday

So Easy

This was our first game of the season, as last weeks effort (?) v The Krauts is null & void due to some work permit irregularities. Anyway it was nice to start the season with a resounding victory against our arch rival from the squash club. Our team assembled on time, and chose to field, with all late comers (Simon Steen) being donated to Wally Squash Club on a free transfer or £300 per hour, whichever was the cheapest. Solid bowling from Sam & Matt kept the scoring in check, and Matt took out their best bat with a beamer to the nose, to ensure there was no comeback. Bomber weighed in with 3 wickets, and Dave T notched a couple too, with the only low light being a Steeno 6 parried over the boundary by Simon. Still a few too many dropped catches if you ask me, but nevertheless a good all round fielding performance, which our absent captain would have enjoyed if he hadn't absconded with the "Sam Smith memorial bike fund" money to Albania.

WSC managed an inadequate 98 from their allotted overs, and Will & Bomber were tasked with knocking them off.. Bomber refused, and returned to the pavilion, leaving Charlie (27*) & Will (27) to blast the bowling. Will got out & Charlie retired, Stuart got careless, Sam got a golden. leaving Nige "no pads " Shandy-Hessey & Tim(19*) to finish the job.

Next up we welcome the Southfield Nursing Home All Star Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious XI

The only way is up...........

A piss poor effort for our first match to be brutally honest. OK, Miele had just beaten up Poland & overwhelmed Czechoslovakia, but they shouldn't have had the firepower to deal with a team containing The Lancaster Bomber, (soon to be retired, father of one), or Sam "Biker" Smith
(recently fought off a gang of hooded attackers) & that's without mentioning Wingco Denning who has defended our skies for many, many years.
Anyway reputations mean nowt, and we
scored insufficient runs in the vital last 6 overs- you know who you are.
bowled shite- you know who you are too.
dropped too many catches-B****r.
We could probably do with having a captain on the pitch too, as "spread out everyone" is hardly out of the Mike Brearley school of cricket captaincy.

To finish on a positive note- I really enjoyed my curry !!

Tim

PS the answers to earlier questions are....


Yes
Probably
Don't know
No
No
No

New Season............

A most enjoyable first outing of the season to Masooms in Goring, and we all voted heartfelt "thanks" to Simon for organising it so well- in his usual style of course. He has also arranged for Allan Lamb to Umpire in our second Miele game- Kaz was really quite surprised to hear of this achievement.

Anyway The Tour is not far away and we leave on Monday 7th July- "with or without you"- so if you are one of those that have "talked" but not acted- it's time to make a decision.

In the meantime, lots of questions to be answered this season.....

Bomber is now a Dad, will it cramp his style ?
Will it be chin up Howie as usual ?
Where's Robbo- The Pontefract Cat ?
Will Johnny Y be fit for the first match ?
Will Fuz play in The Didcot IV Challenge Shield ?
Will Ed or Simon sell their houses ?

See you all for the answers on Thursday 24th

Tim

Chin Up Didcot !

Despite resting some of their best players, Moreton comfortably dispatched the Didcot IV for the second year running. Johnny & Nic have promised to write their own views on the game, but as they are jumping out of a plane this morning, it may never happen- so here's a summary of why you lost

The Birthday Boy was spitefully run out by Fuz, who later, when the "chips" were down, failed to run fast enough to catch a cold, Howard predictably "dropped the Shield" 'cos the sun was in his eyes, the much hyped "Rent Boys" were useless with the bat & Thompy played no shot to the penultimate ball of the match.

Have I missed anything ?

THE LBW LAW FFS GUYS.

Evening, this post is to inform and educate some members of the squad, take note, even though there are no lbw's on a Thursday night, if you happen to be umpiring during a normal game your stupidity can have serious repercussions, so learn...

Officially:

LAW 36 LEG BEFORE WICKET

1. Out LBW

The striker is out LBW in the circumstances set out below.

(a) The bowler delivers a ball, not being a No ball

and (b) the ball, if it is not intercepted full pitch, pitches in line

between wicket and wicket or on the off side of the

striker's wicket

and (c) the ball not having previously touched his bat, the striker

intercepts the ball, either full pitch or after pitching, with

any part of his person

and (d) the point of impact, even if above the level of the bails

either (i) is between wicket and wicket

or (ii) is either between wicket and wicket or outside

the line of the off stump, if the striker has made

no genuine attempt to play the ball with his bat

and (e) but for the interception, the ball would have hit the

wicket.

2. Interception of the ball

(a) In assessing points (c), (d) and (e) in 1 above, only the first

interception is to be considered.

(b) In assessing point (e) in 1 above, it is to be assumed that the

path of the ball before interception would have continued

after interception, irrespective of whether the ball might have

pitched subsequently or not.

3. Off side of wicket

The off side of the striker's wicket shall be determined by the

striker's stance at the moment the ball comes into play for that

delivery.

Sourced from

http://www.lords.org/data/files/laws_of_cricket_2003-8685.pdf

the MCC and if they don't know the laws...



in easier to understand language:

Simon Hughes:

---

A red graphics strip is superimposed between the stumps to show where the ball pitched, and on which line the ball was travelling when it struck the batsman. The Red Zone is now familiar to TV audiences as part of the Hawk-Eye LBW package.

The three examples below illustrate how the Red Zone helps us to gauge which parts of the LBW law need to be considered if the batsman is struck on the pads in front of, or close to, the wicket.

The first picture shows a right-handed batsman receiving a ball which pitches outside the line (wicket to wicket) of the leg stump. If this happens he cannot be given out.

In the second picture we see a batsman struck on the pad outside the line of the off stump; because he is making a genuine attempt to play the ball then, in the opinion of the umpire, he cannot be given out.

In the third picture, however, there is no escape; if, in the umpire's opinion, the batsman is notmaking a genuine attempt to play the ball when struck outside the line of the off stump and the ball would have gone on the hit the stumps, then the batsman is out.

Copyright material reproduced under license from Macmillan Publishers Ltd. London, England

Copyright © Simon Hughes 2001

http://www.channel4.com/sport/cricket/analyst/misc/ana_14.html

BASICALLY:
unless the ball pitches perfectly (essentially on middle) does not move in either direction and is not too high it's not out.

just because it hits the pads doesn't mean we have to get trigger happy.

Unless you are 100% certain (which should happen about once every 12 years)
IT IS NOT OUT.

the sheer number of variables mean that an lbw at our level is the rarest thing going, not 3 in one game!

sorry for the rant but there were some shockers today so the message of this is:

if you are umpiring: it's NOT OUT ...ever...pretty much.

The Groom's Nightmare

The long awaited rematch with Wallingford Squash Club turned out to be totally different affair from the first game. For a start, we could only muster a X rather than than XI and Wallingford Squash Club are now amalgamated with Hampshire Cricket Academy with a bonus Aussie thrown in. The toss was lost and the Squash went into bat against our second choice opening attack of Jonny and Fuz. Fuzzy's nightmare was about to begin! He tried two overs from either end but even a change of ends couldn't prevent him being carted for 56 runs from his 4 overs.Their first batsman to leave the middle retired on 30 odd then out strode the aussie, after clobbering Jonny for a boundary the bowler got one to jag back and hit his leg stump, his only success. Despite some respectable bowling from Sam Smith and James Price we couldn't prevent them from hammering us for 179! Fuz managed to divert a possible catch into his adam's apple rendering him silent for while and while he went off the field for treatment we took two quick wickets and as soon as he returned they continued the onslaught! Our bowling attack was so depleted that even Bomber got 4 overs. Bomber's trademark appears to be to concede a 6 off the first ball of every over then try to claw it back from there! Interesting. Onto the Batting, not much to say really apart from without Bomber's 37 our humble 89 would have looked a whole lot poorer! Fuz scored 6,4 W. an explosive if not incredibly short innings although he did think he should get credit for keeping up with the run rate albeit for a very brief period of time! Hampshire boy bowled Lockey, Carter and Yaxley out of the sun and our sojourn in the middle soon came to an end. A word though must be said about the Squash captain who always buys us a couple of jugs of beer after the game, other opposition captains take note!

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If you deleted the email thinking it was junk, just reply to this post and I'll invite you again.

Cuxham....ok so we're all square now...

Having had, by all accounts a very successful tour, we were delighted to play hosts to a touring team ourselves Cuxham (New South Wales). Like all Antipodeans this lot wouldn't shut up. After every ball it was "Oh great ball ritchie" and when batting "Oh great shot" even when the batsman had just about managed to get the bat to the ball. I am painfully aware that it's something that I failed to achieve, however my sentiments remain: SHUT UP!

So with that off me chest... Cuxham bowled, and bowled well, one of their sprightly openers has not learnt that if you're going to bowl fast you need to warn us by taking a long run up, having us in all sorts of trouble, and claiming a few wickets here and there. They also had a nifty spinner, who took an incredible one handed diving catch in gully to remove a stunned fuz. Bomber looked in good touch, Jonny also contributed, but when Kaz and Old Sam were in the middle the scoreboard started to tick along at a much faster rate. Sam was making some lovely clean shots, dispatching their last bowler into the field for a lovely six, and Kaz was edging effectively as well. In the end we posted a modest 103-6.

Cuxham's opening pair strode out to the crease, looking all the bit profesh in their matching kit, they walked back to the pavilion with their tails between their legs, having been on the recieving end of some great bowling from Jonny and Fuz. We were back in the game as we steadilly took more wickets, credit going to Tim for a great full length dive topped off with a majestic catch. And to Jonny for a backwards jog, a solid catch, and an arse over tit fall topped off with concussion.
Some dodgy scoring (though who can tell the difference between Kaz and Claridge anyway?) saw the new skippers plans scuppered. Cuxham did eventually knock the runs off, and it was a closer game than many would have anticipated.

So back to the pub where we shared some grub, and Lockey bought his half jug for a duck, I bought a jug for my golden duck, and Bomber bought his half a jug for dropping the tour.

Next week its the Tappin Cup...

Bomber drops the tour..........

As promised, there's more from Brighton.

Day 2 Thursday 12th July

Eventually driven out of our room by a methane gas surge, courtesy of Simon at 08:00- found no fellow tourists at breakfast, and thankfully George had knocked off, so peace reigned. The day shift were being briefed about the appearance of a traffic cone on the landing near Kaz's room, and Gerald & Anne were checking out, apparently satisfied that the tour was in good shape. I saw Nigel giving his new pads a good talking too in the lobby, and Kaz eventually appeared looking decidedly yellow around the gills. Photographic evidence suggested that he, Bomber, Will & Matt gang raped Johnny at 04:30. Will soon appeared wearing a "Right said Fred" vest and a cheap plastic ear stud, looking every inch a rent boy. Lunch at The Bull in Newick provided the necessary tonic before the game, and we arrived at the ground in good time, if not good shape.

An impressive ground, and we soon realised that they might have the players to match. Batting first, our hosts started to rattle the electronic scoreboard. Johnny got the first wicket of the day again, with a nice edge to Mike in the slips, but looked less pleased to be smashed all round the ground soon after. Crompo tried a spell up the hill, which in fact resembled a red run at Courcheval, and had to give way to Will, who at least bowled well enough to slow the scoring, despite throwing up behind their posh sightscreen earlier. The key moment of the game came when Bomber shelled an easy catch behind the stumps, and the reprieved little shi*te went on to get a ton, before Matt blasted him out with a ferocious, unplayable ball. Simon demonstrated his ability to multi task at mid off, taking a conference call whilst scratching his arse & picking his nose. Kaz ended up wicketless again, and fell out with their umpire, Tim spent the whole afternoon tantalisingly near the bar & deckchairs, Percy played for Newick, Squeak spent many hours at the bottom of the red run, and Mikey fumed at the appalling fielding. We got them out for an acceptable 197, and rushed in for an extended tea, and check on the racing results.

Batting proved tricky, and wickets fell steadily; Will managed partnerships with Crompo, Claridge (career best 10) & Mike, Nige got another Duck, and offered his pads to Tim, in an effort to break the voodoo. Tim scored 3 and Nige got spiteful, outrageously giving him out lbw- the writing was on the wall. The tail failed to wag, and we capitulated. Percy therefore ended up on the 2 winning sides, and Nige had a pair of losses to put with his brace of duck.Nice to have a few beers after in the pavilion bar, whilst planning our evening assault on Brighton & George.

Man of the Match- Will(Is it 'cos I is from Worcestershire) a solid all round game & great sledging

Highlight of the match-An all run 4 from Simon, who needed an oxygen tent to recover.

Cone Head & The Crinklies (what a great name for a band) bade us farewell, and we returned to the crime scene, but with a cunning twist- Chinese instead of Indian. Soggy Prawn Crackers didn't deter us, and a fairly good meal was enjoyed. More beer and a visit to a smelly urinal of a club called Casablanca, were the foreplay to the main event- George Baiting. We warmed up with cable reel bowling along the front, and the trip back passed quickly. The bar was raised, when George tried to evade serving us by unloading a lorry, Johnny suggested he kissed the other night staff, and George went off at the deep end- "an abomination to my culture" he said- almost as offensive as serving short measures is, in our culture ?

A Tourists Diary

First a little background info for anyone unfamiliar :-

The Players......

Kaz Miles- Clubbing Captain & Hoover salesman- aka "cone head"-someone please paste in the photo.
Mike Howat-President's son, Cambridge Blue, stand in Captain when Kaz has a hangover.
Mike Stimpson- aka "Squeak" (why ?) -useful chap to have in the team if you want to know about local property prices.
Percy Stimpson- currently a Vice President of the club, but not for long according to Gerald- it was a typo !
Nigel Hessey- aka "Shandy"- stalwart of the club and team physio, with the newest pads in the team.
Steve Crompton- aka "Crompo"-hails from Bristol, but we won't hold it against him, if he brings the Beefeater Gin he promised.
Simon Claridge- larger than life software salesman, with the banter to match-farts like a hippo in a fish tank.
Tim Haworth- Landlord of The Bear (Pub of the Year in South Oxfordshire)- snores like a wart hog in a phone box-apparently.
Johnny Yaxley- Midweek Captain, & Hairy Landscape Gardener -aka "Swagger"
Will Macdonald- Scruffy youth-talented sledger, bat & Johnny's Bitch
Peter Lancaster- aka "Bomber" -retired artist, supported by his wife while he tries to get established as a F1 driver
Matt Wicks- Guardian reading, sandal wearing, beardie, electrical wholesaler. Recently voted best fielder in South England by an online poll.

Supporting Cast-cameo performances from....

Gerald & Anne Howat- "The Doctors"- The President pops up on tour to check standards are not slipping, and usually leaves disappointed.
Alf Crompton- Steve's Old Man- though they actually look the same age. Has finally retired as Kitty man-apparently the introduction of a new£20 note was the final straw.
George Foreman- retired boxer & grill salesman, now Night Manager at The Ramada in Brighton. Likes nothing better than a good party in the hotel bar after a few Campari + grapefruits.



The Venues......

Ramada Jarvis Hotel, Brighton Seafront Hotel, home to the touring team, apart from 2 Pennypinchers who stayed in St Christopher's Hospice, down the road, sharing a room with a corpse to save money.
Plumpton Agricultural College-re-branded as a Centre for Rural Based Studies, but still a cow field in the middle of nowhere, by any other name.
Newick CC- smart ground in rural Sussex with large pavilion, club bar, electronic scoreboard, & its own ASBO Shelter for the local hooligans

Day 1-Wednesday11th July.

Left late due to Simon Claridge shopping for tiles at B & Q. Bomber's car, surprisingly spacious. First row after 5 minutes, about best way onto M4. Bomber insists on going via every BP garage to get his nectar points; apparently he only has to spend another £15,000 on fuel to get enough points to get his coveted hedgetrimmer. Matt reads The Guardian, Tim reads a pub trade paper, Simon farts & picks his nose, Bomber "floors it" to Reading Services. We overdose on Jelly Babies, and get overtaken on the M25 by Kaz, Johnny & Will, who left 6 hours after us. We book in to our Hotel- Kaz bags the best room- the view from the toilet is "to die for".

A quick lunch at The Half Moon is next on the agenda. A fair enough pub, in the sticks, full of wrinklies, who have time on their hands, and rather surprisingly, a picture of Ernie Collins on the wall. We order Ham Baguettes with chips, 'cos this will be quickest ? Bomber's chips vanish between kitchen & table, and another row ensues. We arrive at the ground rather late, to find Gerald has already pacified the opposition, by giving them all signed copies of his books. He briefs us all on the high standards of the club, as we all open bottles of Becks with a rusty screwdriver. Nige donates himself to Southwick, who look amazingly grateful; ignorance really is bliss ! Simon's method of organising matches bites him the arse, as it appears another team are waiting for us, in another cow field over the downs; Simon tells them they should field first, and we'll be there in a jiffy. Meanwhile we knock over Southwick for a modest 119, with Percy starring big time with 5 for 9 in 3 overs- his bowling was seriously unbelievable. The old pros caution us that with the outfield being so slow, it might be tougher than we think. Squeak, Tim, & Kaz ignore the advice, and get out trying to smash the ball around, and it's left to Mikey & Willy to steady the ship, before the Gardeners nip in and take the glory, hitting the winning runs with at least an over to spare.

Man of the match -Percy "paceman" Stimpson for his fifor. His name has been scratched on the Southwick honours board, which doubles as a pig pen in Winter.
Highlight of the Match- Nigel getting a duck for the opposition- he's starting to fret that his new pads maybe unlucky, as this is his 4th consecutive duck since he bought them.

Return to the seaside via the Half Moon, who are still trying to fulfil their lunchtime orders; luckily a couple of customers have died in the interim, so the waiting list is shrinking. Freshen up, and head into "town" for a curry. The "crusties" get us banned from one pub, by looking menacing, but we eventually settle for a few in the aptly named "Victory", before hitting the curry house, where Bomber notched up a personal best, eating everyones left overs. After being refused entry to several clubs, for being too old, Johnny decided he would have to entertain us by throwing himself into the sea, fully clothed. The Hospice 2 accompanied Will & Kaz to a club, and for the rest of us, the hotel bar now beckoned, with its global reputation as "the bar that never closes until the last guest leaves" we were confident of a good finish to the day. We were therefore rather surprised to find it closed, and guarded by George, the duty manager. After a 20 minute row he grudgingly served us some drinks, and attempted to exact revenge for us disturbing his evening, by asking £8.55 for a Campari. Naturally he was told to F@@k off. At this point Nige notched up a PB, this being the latest he has ever stayed up; unfortunately he had taken his pads off by now, so the chances of it reversing his ill fortune seemed slim. Johnny & Tim decided to continue "George baiting" by staying up, and ordering some more drinks; George retaliated by insisting that TV with no sound still might keep other guests awake !


To be continued next time I'm bored................

read the next installment to find out how Bomber "dropped the tour" & George's next move in his battle with the infidel customers. Did Nige get any runs with his unlucky pads ? - all exclusively online in Moreton Midweek.

Wot no Beer !

We may be used to playing The Didcot IV, but were rather surprised when The Brewery turned up with just 4 players & no beer; the lack of players would have been acceptable if the beer had materialised. Anyway, charitable sorts that we are, we found them some spares, including a budding, if rather scruffy, Worcestershire player, named Macdonald, a scruffy amateur, called Templeman , and a Welsh import called Mowie- collectively known as "scabs". Our application for charitable status is now quite advanced, following loose bowling and slack fielding;at least the jug count was rising faster than the barometer reading, which was steadfastly stuck in November. Will was dropped twice, and was involved in at least 2 run outs as he strolled the required 22 yards. His cricketing aspirations should perhaps be revised, and a place in Lea & Perrins 2nd XI would seem appropriate, on this showing. A quick mention for Nige, who fielded frenetically, as if he was on speed, and Fuz, who actually was on speed, while the rest of us stuck with valium overdoses. A large total off 15 overs, which I can't recall, always looked beyond us, with their star bowler "Smelly Kelly" being particularly economical. Sam had invested in a new "woodworm" bat, which unfortunately lived up to its name and fell to bits in his hands, and Fuz tried to entertain us with a couple of sixes, but finally the valium prevailed, and we all adjourned to the pub, to drink anything but White Horse.