2009 Tour & Festival

A couple of important dates for your diary:-


1. Moreton Beer & Cricket Festival will be Thursday 30th July- Sunday 2nd August inclusive. Features a 6 a side comp & a game v Amsterdam CC

2.Proposed tour to Bordeaux sun 5th July- Sat 11th give or take

Brightwell Stuffed !

In a vertebrae crushing show of strength, Moreton pulverised Brighwell in The Twenty20 finale to our 150th anniversary celebrations. Credit where it's due, if we still had to bowl underarm, Brightwell would be undoubted masters, but 150 years on, and Moreton rule OK !
Batting first, Brightwell were rather spineless against accurate bowling from a whole fleet of Macdonalds charging in from The Bear end, and a duet of Sam's from the bottom end, and the pressure we created forced some Laurel & Hardy running from the visitors, which entertained the crowd, but caused their run rate to drop through the roof. They managed a paltry 82 off their 20 overs, which is barely 1 rung up the ladder & definitely not enough of a climb to worry our batsmen.
Sam & Will were rather too casual, but Bomber broke the back of the target with a cracking innings, and Chris Mac put the lame dogs out of their misery, Flintoff style, with a roof shattering six into Bear Lane.
A great end to our season, but it's now time to put away the BBQ, turn on the central heating, re-roof the bungalow, and hope for a glorious summer next year.
Tally Ho !

Didcot campanologists finally prevail.......

Lots of familiar faces appeared for the annual Yaxley birthday challenge match against Didcot IV, and I must admit I thought we had an unfairly strong team, until it was pointed out that Yaxley had been up on his cherry picker again, and they were all playing for Didcot. One notable exception was "Trini" Bomber, who had been phoning Jonny all week, offering his services, but his calls remained unanswered. Jonny even offered "Susannah" a game, but unfortunately she was busy elswhere.


Batting first, Moreton spent most of the time ducking, or in Kaz's case, not ducking, bouncers. Nigel & Trini took cover behind the stumps, which proved to be a flawed strategy, and only Kaz & Tim managed meaningful contributions in a below par 101.
Didcot opened up with some of their Kolpak players, and quickly reached 77-1, helped by Trini's misfields, and despite good bowling from Kaz, Chris & Chris. With 2 players retiring, a remarkable thing happened; 2 bona-fide Didcot residents appeared at the crease, reminding us fondly of happier pre IPL days, when overseas signings were not allowed. Another lesser spotted Didcotian followed, and at least he had the pleasure of knocking off the last few runs.

An emotional Yaxley finally received the Shield he covets so much from Trevor " the flagpole erector" Denning, but kind words from The President were not matched by Jonny who couldn't find his "acceptance" notes, despite the fact that they had remained, untouched, in his trouser pocket for 4 years. Happy Birthday mate !


In other news, the author has heard, 5th hand, of a serious complaint from an important MCC member, who is objecting to being mentioned in our blog. I would like to apologise unreservedly to the afore(un)mentioned member for any distress this may have caused him & his family. I have agreed that in future he will only be named when he contributes something meaningful to the game, which should ensure no further problems arise.

Bomber luvs Will's Helmet

Moreton entertained WSC on an overcast evening, and batted first. Staino showed the crowd some textbook batting as he crawled to a top score of 22 off 9 overs, but others were perishing at the other end. Entertainment was thin on the ground until Tim tested the glass in the pavilion doors, and Bomber walked in with more protection than a jury in a Mafia trial. Unfortunately he couldn't see the ball for all the visors & grills, so kindly given by Will, so he got out cheaply. Thompy & the Tail wagged nicely to post an almost respectable score of 116. Captain Y opened the bowling, but made the mistake of handing the ball to Bomber at the other end, who generously donated 20 off his first over to give WSC a sniff of victory. Luckily Nic & Sam bowled well, & Lockey kept a tidy wicket, to keep the game in the balance until the final over, when 7 were required for victory.

Who would Jonny choose to bowl this all important final over ? Bomber was the outsider of 11 on the pitch, but JY, had a fiver on him at 33/1 and threw him the ball, as the crowd muttered "you twat" under their breath. Luckily Bomber was nerveless, and bowled a near perfect over to seal victory for Moreton in a thriller.

Come on Guys...........................

A comprehensive victory for Moreton over Mill St Wanderers. Sam, Tim, Vixi, & Sam ensured we had a healthy total to defend. One of the batting casualties was the captain who had to be sacrificed in the team cause (sorry mate !) but more than 8 an over always looked enough, so who cares ? Bomber snatched the gloves, after Steeno had kindly rubbed his back inbetween innings, and he chirrupped away all through their innings with phrases such as "come on guys" in a Dale Winton accent. This certainly put off Mill St, and combined with some tidy bowling and a great catch by Sam Smith, we always had things well under control,even allowing for Fletch dropping a sitter. A good game, and the captains eventually agreed to shake hands, so we're all still friends.


Tally Ho !

Dutch Masters

Post Bomber's puking, we rocked up at Rotterdam for a relaxing 2 day break. Some wanted a schmoke, some wanted a drink, Bry wanted an eastern european, and Wicksy wanted Dutch Art. This slightly odd lust should have rung alarm bells with the rest of us, but we just laughed it off as eccentric. Wicksy revealed his true (orange) colours the next day when playing for oppo.A true master of the undercover role, none of us had ever suspected he could actually play cricket, but when the time came Judas van Wicksbasten, as we now know him, produced a blinding spell of bowling to rip out the heart of his own team- what a little shit !! Despite decent knocks from Will, John H & Tim, van Wicksbasten & his new friends prevailed, and he has now sought refuge at Anne Frank`s House.
Elsewhere Percy Ronay was briefly in charge of restaurant selection, but his tenure is thankfully now over, and we are all gradually recovering from the food poisoning.On to Eindhoven today for more entertainment...........

Laters

new pb 4 bomber

bomber set a new record 4 puking when he chucked at reading services.

Germans turned over

Allan Lamb dutifully turned out in the rain to collect his Miele Dishwasher, and was astonished at the skills on show in North Moreton; apparently what surprised him most was Fuz going "all in " with just 10-4 off suit !
Moreton sought revenge for an abject display early in the season, and followed Croatia's example with a convincing win over the Krauts. Highlights included the return of Capt Yaxley, who unfortunately faced some unplayable bowling, a rare, and brief, sighting of the "lesser spotted" Squires, & some sweet hitting from Charlie & Fuz. I couldn't see much more through the rain, but I did see Allan Lamb drinking Magners whilst practicing his golf shots with an umbrella, occasionally looking up to officiate & shake his head at some of the woeful shots being played. Bomber celebrated the arrival of his bus pass with yet another score of 13- some might say this is an unlucky score for him ? The post match pep talk from the great one included many references to "not giving up the day job" until someone pointed out that half the team don't have jobs to give up.

Relief for Allan arrived in the shape of a BBQ and more Magners, coupled with copious amounts of autograph signing, which I'm sure our grandchildren will treasure in years to come.
Personally I think Lambey should be knighted, so we can call him "Serallan".

Thanks for an entertaining evening !

A pair of silver foxes spotted at The Bear

Aston too good.......

Some erratic bowling, good fielding & Dicky umpiring,(Unbelievably, their umpire retracted his lbw decision, when the batsmen told him he had hit it !!) allowed Aston to score 20 runs too many on a tricky batting track. Good catching from Thompy (3 catches) Dave "the juggler" Templeman & Tim wasn't matched by the bowlers who bowled too many wides, giving the oppo 3 extra overs of batting.
Nigel "The Gasman" Cross and Ivan "The Terrible" Bond had to face some good bowling and perished as they tried to up the tempo. Tim kept the innings going, but we were always behind the clock, despite some crisp hitting from Matt & Air Commodore Denning, at the death.
I still think we are missing a Captain, as it all felt a bit rudderless in the field.
What happened to the comeback Johnny ? Why wasn't Sam playing ?

Thankfully next weeks umpire is not such an arse.............................

Fuz wants to write the report, so over to him......

Moreton by 10...................

Yes wickets not runs.


So how was this ultimate cricket victory achieved ?

1. Modest opposition- very important this one- although Nigel tried his best to screw it up by donating Joe Wardle to them. Have a good look round next time Nige before you open your mouth !

2. In the absence of "Sick Note" Yaxley, we need an audible Captain with some knowledge of cricket- so well done to Tim for selecting Stuart from a short list of one. Some good decisions Stu.

3. One of which was to open up with Oli Squires, who is clearly enjoying his A level exams so much that he's bowling really well- or was he just showing off to his friend Jamie ?

4. Pair him with a bowler (?) who is so erratic, it de-stabilises the batsmen, who are all tearing muscles trying to reach the ball- nice one Bomber !

5.Bring on Matt & Sam to tighten the screw with accurate bowling. Kaz, please take note Sam is a much better bowler than Bomber, as his 4 for sweet f.a. proves. Use him or lose him, or his bike.

6.Ask Fuz to pay his subs. This incensed him so much, that he fielded magnificently, including hitting a single stump from 20 metres. That's £50 for club membership please Fuz !

7. Only let Carl touch the ball 3 times in the whole match- sorry mate !

8. Stick Dave on the boundary- he loves running around like a lunatic & has a good arm- also his ginger head is easy to spot in the gloom.

9. Remind Bomber that he's a shit bowler, and then ask him to open the batting.
The result 34 not out- beauty

10. Buy the Landlord a pint for his unbeaten 29.

Simple init.

See you on Thursday, but be warned Cuxham fail to meet criteria number 1.

Southfield prevail..............

Southfield produced a relatively sprightly team compared to their normal geriatric offering, and batted first on a benign pitch. Moreton seemed rudderless in the early overs, and conceded a few too many runs with the odd dropped catch thrown in for good measure (oops!). Westy, Joe & Sam all bowled well with Sam's C& B being the highlight, but Southfield posted a decent score, requiring a 7+ per over response. Westy started well, Stuart missed a straight one, and Tim rattled up an unbeaten 32 to put us in a good position. However the daylight was fading fast, and despite Nigel's quickfire 25, we always seemed to be just behind the required rate. This didn't deter Steeno, whose remarkable innings was rudely interrupted by the end of the match- how outrageous !
C U next Thursday

So Easy

This was our first game of the season, as last weeks effort (?) v The Krauts is null & void due to some work permit irregularities. Anyway it was nice to start the season with a resounding victory against our arch rival from the squash club. Our team assembled on time, and chose to field, with all late comers (Simon Steen) being donated to Wally Squash Club on a free transfer or £300 per hour, whichever was the cheapest. Solid bowling from Sam & Matt kept the scoring in check, and Matt took out their best bat with a beamer to the nose, to ensure there was no comeback. Bomber weighed in with 3 wickets, and Dave T notched a couple too, with the only low light being a Steeno 6 parried over the boundary by Simon. Still a few too many dropped catches if you ask me, but nevertheless a good all round fielding performance, which our absent captain would have enjoyed if he hadn't absconded with the "Sam Smith memorial bike fund" money to Albania.

WSC managed an inadequate 98 from their allotted overs, and Will & Bomber were tasked with knocking them off.. Bomber refused, and returned to the pavilion, leaving Charlie (27*) & Will (27) to blast the bowling. Will got out & Charlie retired, Stuart got careless, Sam got a golden. leaving Nige "no pads " Shandy-Hessey & Tim(19*) to finish the job.

Next up we welcome the Southfield Nursing Home All Star Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious XI

The only way is up...........

A piss poor effort for our first match to be brutally honest. OK, Miele had just beaten up Poland & overwhelmed Czechoslovakia, but they shouldn't have had the firepower to deal with a team containing The Lancaster Bomber, (soon to be retired, father of one), or Sam "Biker" Smith
(recently fought off a gang of hooded attackers) & that's without mentioning Wingco Denning who has defended our skies for many, many years.
Anyway reputations mean nowt, and we
scored insufficient runs in the vital last 6 overs- you know who you are.
bowled shite- you know who you are too.
dropped too many catches-B****r.
We could probably do with having a captain on the pitch too, as "spread out everyone" is hardly out of the Mike Brearley school of cricket captaincy.

To finish on a positive note- I really enjoyed my curry !!

Tim

PS the answers to earlier questions are....


Yes
Probably
Don't know
No
No
No

New Season............

A most enjoyable first outing of the season to Masooms in Goring, and we all voted heartfelt "thanks" to Simon for organising it so well- in his usual style of course. He has also arranged for Allan Lamb to Umpire in our second Miele game- Kaz was really quite surprised to hear of this achievement.

Anyway The Tour is not far away and we leave on Monday 7th July- "with or without you"- so if you are one of those that have "talked" but not acted- it's time to make a decision.

In the meantime, lots of questions to be answered this season.....

Bomber is now a Dad, will it cramp his style ?
Will it be chin up Howie as usual ?
Where's Robbo- The Pontefract Cat ?
Will Johnny Y be fit for the first match ?
Will Fuz play in The Didcot IV Challenge Shield ?
Will Ed or Simon sell their houses ?

See you all for the answers on Thursday 24th

Tim

Chin Up Didcot !

Despite resting some of their best players, Moreton comfortably dispatched the Didcot IV for the second year running. Johnny & Nic have promised to write their own views on the game, but as they are jumping out of a plane this morning, it may never happen- so here's a summary of why you lost

The Birthday Boy was spitefully run out by Fuz, who later, when the "chips" were down, failed to run fast enough to catch a cold, Howard predictably "dropped the Shield" 'cos the sun was in his eyes, the much hyped "Rent Boys" were useless with the bat & Thompy played no shot to the penultimate ball of the match.

Have I missed anything ?

THE LBW LAW FFS GUYS.

Evening, this post is to inform and educate some members of the squad, take note, even though there are no lbw's on a Thursday night, if you happen to be umpiring during a normal game your stupidity can have serious repercussions, so learn...

Officially:

LAW 36 LEG BEFORE WICKET

1. Out LBW

The striker is out LBW in the circumstances set out below.

(a) The bowler delivers a ball, not being a No ball

and (b) the ball, if it is not intercepted full pitch, pitches in line

between wicket and wicket or on the off side of the

striker's wicket

and (c) the ball not having previously touched his bat, the striker

intercepts the ball, either full pitch or after pitching, with

any part of his person

and (d) the point of impact, even if above the level of the bails

either (i) is between wicket and wicket

or (ii) is either between wicket and wicket or outside

the line of the off stump, if the striker has made

no genuine attempt to play the ball with his bat

and (e) but for the interception, the ball would have hit the

wicket.

2. Interception of the ball

(a) In assessing points (c), (d) and (e) in 1 above, only the first

interception is to be considered.

(b) In assessing point (e) in 1 above, it is to be assumed that the

path of the ball before interception would have continued

after interception, irrespective of whether the ball might have

pitched subsequently or not.

3. Off side of wicket

The off side of the striker's wicket shall be determined by the

striker's stance at the moment the ball comes into play for that

delivery.

Sourced from

http://www.lords.org/data/files/laws_of_cricket_2003-8685.pdf

the MCC and if they don't know the laws...



in easier to understand language:

Simon Hughes:

---

A red graphics strip is superimposed between the stumps to show where the ball pitched, and on which line the ball was travelling when it struck the batsman. The Red Zone is now familiar to TV audiences as part of the Hawk-Eye LBW package.

The three examples below illustrate how the Red Zone helps us to gauge which parts of the LBW law need to be considered if the batsman is struck on the pads in front of, or close to, the wicket.

The first picture shows a right-handed batsman receiving a ball which pitches outside the line (wicket to wicket) of the leg stump. If this happens he cannot be given out.

In the second picture we see a batsman struck on the pad outside the line of the off stump; because he is making a genuine attempt to play the ball then, in the opinion of the umpire, he cannot be given out.

In the third picture, however, there is no escape; if, in the umpire's opinion, the batsman is notmaking a genuine attempt to play the ball when struck outside the line of the off stump and the ball would have gone on the hit the stumps, then the batsman is out.

Copyright material reproduced under license from Macmillan Publishers Ltd. London, England

Copyright © Simon Hughes 2001

http://www.channel4.com/sport/cricket/analyst/misc/ana_14.html

BASICALLY:
unless the ball pitches perfectly (essentially on middle) does not move in either direction and is not too high it's not out.

just because it hits the pads doesn't mean we have to get trigger happy.

Unless you are 100% certain (which should happen about once every 12 years)
IT IS NOT OUT.

the sheer number of variables mean that an lbw at our level is the rarest thing going, not 3 in one game!

sorry for the rant but there were some shockers today so the message of this is:

if you are umpiring: it's NOT OUT ...ever...pretty much.

The Groom's Nightmare

The long awaited rematch with Wallingford Squash Club turned out to be totally different affair from the first game. For a start, we could only muster a X rather than than XI and Wallingford Squash Club are now amalgamated with Hampshire Cricket Academy with a bonus Aussie thrown in. The toss was lost and the Squash went into bat against our second choice opening attack of Jonny and Fuz. Fuzzy's nightmare was about to begin! He tried two overs from either end but even a change of ends couldn't prevent him being carted for 56 runs from his 4 overs.Their first batsman to leave the middle retired on 30 odd then out strode the aussie, after clobbering Jonny for a boundary the bowler got one to jag back and hit his leg stump, his only success. Despite some respectable bowling from Sam Smith and James Price we couldn't prevent them from hammering us for 179! Fuz managed to divert a possible catch into his adam's apple rendering him silent for while and while he went off the field for treatment we took two quick wickets and as soon as he returned they continued the onslaught! Our bowling attack was so depleted that even Bomber got 4 overs. Bomber's trademark appears to be to concede a 6 off the first ball of every over then try to claw it back from there! Interesting. Onto the Batting, not much to say really apart from without Bomber's 37 our humble 89 would have looked a whole lot poorer! Fuz scored 6,4 W. an explosive if not incredibly short innings although he did think he should get credit for keeping up with the run rate albeit for a very brief period of time! Hampshire boy bowled Lockey, Carter and Yaxley out of the sun and our sojourn in the middle soon came to an end. A word though must be said about the Squash captain who always buys us a couple of jugs of beer after the game, other opposition captains take note!

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Cuxham....ok so we're all square now...

Having had, by all accounts a very successful tour, we were delighted to play hosts to a touring team ourselves Cuxham (New South Wales). Like all Antipodeans this lot wouldn't shut up. After every ball it was "Oh great ball ritchie" and when batting "Oh great shot" even when the batsman had just about managed to get the bat to the ball. I am painfully aware that it's something that I failed to achieve, however my sentiments remain: SHUT UP!

So with that off me chest... Cuxham bowled, and bowled well, one of their sprightly openers has not learnt that if you're going to bowl fast you need to warn us by taking a long run up, having us in all sorts of trouble, and claiming a few wickets here and there. They also had a nifty spinner, who took an incredible one handed diving catch in gully to remove a stunned fuz. Bomber looked in good touch, Jonny also contributed, but when Kaz and Old Sam were in the middle the scoreboard started to tick along at a much faster rate. Sam was making some lovely clean shots, dispatching their last bowler into the field for a lovely six, and Kaz was edging effectively as well. In the end we posted a modest 103-6.

Cuxham's opening pair strode out to the crease, looking all the bit profesh in their matching kit, they walked back to the pavilion with their tails between their legs, having been on the recieving end of some great bowling from Jonny and Fuz. We were back in the game as we steadilly took more wickets, credit going to Tim for a great full length dive topped off with a majestic catch. And to Jonny for a backwards jog, a solid catch, and an arse over tit fall topped off with concussion.
Some dodgy scoring (though who can tell the difference between Kaz and Claridge anyway?) saw the new skippers plans scuppered. Cuxham did eventually knock the runs off, and it was a closer game than many would have anticipated.

So back to the pub where we shared some grub, and Lockey bought his half jug for a duck, I bought a jug for my golden duck, and Bomber bought his half a jug for dropping the tour.

Next week its the Tappin Cup...