Tim is TOPS !

The Tappin Cup is a keenly fought, high octane, T20 game, played within Moreton CC. It has been used by many players over the years to launch their retirement, and is always one of the highlights of the cricketing calendar; well it was for Mr Tappin ! This year the 2 captains were both part of the incredible T.O.P- Tim & Ed, but how would they fare on opposing teams ? Each time is allowed 1 overseas player, and Eton educated Ed, opted for Aussie import Uncle Tone. Flown in to help Rowan with his all important plum tomato harvest, Tony is always up for a game of cricket, but unfortunately this one coincided with yet another failed attempt to emulate David Boon on the flight over here. Boonies record of 52 beers looks pretty safe, but UT felt obliged to give it a "tickle", and his PR office later put this forward as an excuse for his efforts. Big Ian once played for Sussex u16's, but fortunately nobody else knew that, and he joined Tim's XI "under the radar". The rest of the team selections were made in true playground fashion, with the weakest, and least capable being left to the end. On this occasion, it was a genuine mistake that Nige was left until last as we really hadn't seen him come out of the pavilion

Batting first, Tim's Team got off to a flyer, thanks to their skipper, who retired on 33. Nic scored quickly, and Rob also retired looking in good form, but the rest of the team were woeful, and from a strong start were disappointingly 99 for 7. BI was cunningly placed at no 10 to bat with the retirees, and his response was to run out the first one ! However he quickly redeemed himself with an unbeaten 51 to match Rob's equally impressive half century, and a massive 75 run partnership for the last wicket, boosted TT's score to a challenging 174. Special mention for Ed, who caught out his youngest, but despicable behaviour from Swagger, who caught his girlfriend, and celebrated wildly- surely that's not cricket ? UT did bowl some nice "rippers" from the Bear end to briefly enhance his reputation, but Ollie, who couldn't miss the stumps when fielding, decided to bowl some gay leg breaks for his over, most of which ended up near Wallingford.

In reply Ed led from the front, well supported by Swagger- with them both retired, and with a hefty middle order to follow, they were rightly confident of making a bit of a show. BI had other ideas, and sent Lachlan, Charlie and Bomber back to the pavilion cheaply. Never mind UT walks in, and with a Sheila bowling at him- well- fair dinkum fellah, you can't fail here can you ? Nicky has only been playing cricket for a few weeks, but she immediately sensed the fear in UT as he tapped nervously at the crease. All she had to do was bowl straight and full, and the chirpy Aussie was done for; and so it happened......another Australian cricket failure dumped on his backside.
The returning batsmen were dealt with efficiently and quickly to secure a massive 50 run victory for The Landlord's team.
Here you can see Ed being quite gracious afterwards in The Bear as he prepares to hand over the trophy to the better captain, whilst his wife laughs at his bald patch from behind.

Meanwhile Nicky gives Tony a small bottle of, appropriately, cheap & nasty fizz for his flight home to Brisbane.

Thanks to you all for turning out- a jolly good time was had by all.

Your Country needed you !

Where were you ? You know who you are ! Moreton midweek were facing a German invasion force, and needed every man to stand up and fight for freedom, democracy & English beer.

The list of excuses included:-

Westy: "I'm putting fires out" - well fair enough-carry on- good job

Simon- "I'm watching my daughter's play"- pretty lame, but hardly News of the world headlines.

Bomber- "Nappy needs changing"- shit excuse.

Robbo-"My Mum has sent me on a cookery course"- are you serious ? Blokes don't cook. OK you're part Aussie so you can BBQ, but really not happy that you are poncing around with Delia & Nigella when you should be helping your mates.

Panzers, U boats, Luftwaffe, all heading this way and you're making a nut salad in Surrey.

I digress, Miele suffered a heavy defeat here earlier in the year, and their new recession busting tactic was to head hunt hoover salesmen who can play cricket. They even went to some lengths to disguise one of them as a golfer, in an attempt to fool us.
Moreton batted first, TOP functioned for the first time with a 30+ partnership, but then it all went wrong, with Rory wreaking havoc. Lachlan & Swagger managed to avoid enemy fire completely by getting Ducks, and it was left to a late flourish from Joe & Nige, to salvage some credibility from the situation.107 scored from 20

Captain Swagger looked shell shocked in the break, but he managed to rally the troops in true "blitz" style, singing The White Cliffs of Dover, and calling Nigel "you stupid boy"

Thompy, Smithy, & Joe all got a couple of wickets to keep us in the game, and Stu kept wicket so well that we forgot all about Fanny Craddock. However, Rory was waiting in the wings, and popped up again to sink us. Of course they will all be sacked, as soon as the cricket season finishes, and Miele revert to their core business of flogging hoovers.

Next week Tappin Cup. Every Man, Woman & Child please

Hip Hip......

Our 10th game of the season saw the return of some familiar, but recently absent, faces to the "almost all conquering" midweek XI.

Simon C has recently moved house, changed job (nothing new there) and squeezed in a new hip- how would this affect his cricket ?

Stuart Locke has finished Uni, is restarting Uni and wants to be our keeper- how would Rob, our incumbent, deal with the usurper ?

Peter " gotta new kitchen" Lancaster is of course a semi-regular midweeker, when mannying duties allow- but would it be "grizzle Bomb" or "mega Bomb" tonight ?


Question 2-answered firmly by Rob who arrived at the pavilion at 4pm to hide the keepers gloves and put on his pads.

Question 3-will never be answered, as any moment of Bomber genius is nearly always followed by Bomber clowning around like a half wit.

Question 1-he certainly seemed to be moving OK in the field- all his usual movement restored- namely hand to pocket to blackberry - return to pocket and... relax. His physio has worked intensively on this most important aspect of Simon's game, and we were thrilled to see it in operation again. Simon admitted that he hadn't chosen the full options package that included all moving parts in his hip, so the true test was yet to come. I'm also worried about that shock absorber thingy Si- I think you should have forked out for a heavy duty upgrade. So, on with the game...

We fielded first with Jonny & Westy looking good, but Aston made a steady start to take the early initiative. Jonny played his spin cards, Thompy, Lachlan & Simon with great results, including 3 wickets for "Hippy" dropping them out of the sun off a short walk up. Lachlan bowled well, but no fifor this week, and Thompy chipped in with 2 for himself. 4th choice spinner Smithy looked slightly peeved, but still found time to apologise and take 2 wickets. It was noted that their imported player, who doesn't even know where Aston nr Bampton is, experienced some misfortune with "the hand of Rob" intervening nicely. Bet Stu couldn't have done that. Target 125- par score- game on.

It's well documented that TOP has not functioned to its usual high standards recently, and yet again Ed went early, leaving his partner to try and hold things together. Rob hit a breezy 20, Stuart got a duck and so did Grizzle Bomb, so it was looking pretty tight. The new graduate compounded a bad evening for himself by giving a couple of his team mates out lbw too ! Simon played a couple of top shots, without hip movement, to entertain us, but it was down to Sammy, Westy & Lachlan that we hit target with minimal fuss. Lachlan finishing it off nicely with a couple of sixes.


9/10 Hooray !!

Next week those pesky hoover salesmen are back.....