Jonny is the pied piper....

What better place to spend a balmy summer's evening than Blewbury Rec ? On second thoughts don't answer that, we only have 5GB spare capacity on this site.

Their pavilion is surely unique, and houses the largest collection of rare mould and uncatalogued fungus in Western Europe. Clubs from far & wide marvel at this tiny piece of "downtown Kabul" that persists in attractive rural south oxfordshire. Even the neighbouring pigs on the downs enjoy better accommodation ? Perhaps it's all elaborate cover for a magic mushroom farm- who knows ? Anyway, I'm told the parish council have matters in hand, and soon the tennis club will have a new shiny club house. Will this be the end of the Splastic Wicket ?

Back to the cricket, and Blewbury under Capt Piglet, sportingly entered the spirit of the game when they saw half our team had been enticed to the game by Jonny offering them sweeties; Grandpa Hessey being the notable exception.

Jack & Harry were on debut for Moreton, in fact they were playing their first ever game of cricket. Al may be small, but he's a genuine cricket talent in the making, and Dan brought much needed energy & enthusiasm to the match. Scarcely much older is Joe, soon to defect to Toot Baldon, and he opened with Al, and in an awesome spell of 8 overs restricted Blewbury to 32-3. Their big guns got them out of trouble, but full credit to our youngsters for stepping up to the mark, with Joe being top bowling dog with 3-9. Jack chased well in the field, and Harry took the fielding plaudits with a great catch, somewhere near Aston Tirrold, happily waving his "hurty hand" around in celebration.

120 was the target, and skip sent in Tim with Harry, but Harry forgot all he was taught and missed a straight one. Ducky T was quick to pass Daisy the Duck hat on to him, and Jack arrived at the wicket next, and kindly received plenty of coaching from Blewbury's finest. His 3 runs on debut surpassed many other more experienced Moreton players, and once "supercoach" Rowan returns from his wanderings, he'll have plenty of raw material to work on. Ed hit one particulary good 6 in his innings & mention too for Spuz who hit a PB 18 to ensure a respectable 90 for Jonny's youth XI. Once again thanks to Blewbury for entering the spirit of the game- how about a match here next year on real grass -you can even bring your own mushrooms ?

Daisy falls for Sammy

Daisy woke with a jolt, the familiar sound of cricketers jeering brought her to full consciousness immediately. Something was different this time; none of her usual home comforts here, just a dirty smelly hovel in the middle of who knows where. Same job, new location; she knew what she had to do, and it was usually 3 or 4 times a night, she had no choice, Jonny made sure of that

" Bastard" .

Daisy closed her eyes and waited for the inevitable approach- would it be the big photographer, the even bigger f**ker who tried to pull her leg off, Jonny the pimp, or perhaps the kind old gent from Cholsey. Daisy wasn't good on names, apart from her pimp of course, and she had no intention of getting on first name terms with this lot- it was just a job. She smelt him first, the familiar cheap aftershave of youth, then it was his fumbling touch on her tender thighs. He was so inexperienced, but at least he was gentle as he gripped her skinny legs and eased them apart. As he entered her, Daisy whimpered with pleasure, and opened her eyes to check what she already knew; Sammy was back, and that pleased her more than she wanted to admit. She remembered, with pleasure, the long hours already clocked up with young Sammy this season; there was so much to teach him, starting with not calling out other girls' names at just the wrong moment. "Who are Peyton, Megan & Jules anyway ?"

Daisy's pleasure was rudely interrupted by Pimp Jonny demanding her for himself; she hated him, all that sweaty hair gave her a rash. Mercifully he was quick, and a new face approached. "go on Nick, it's your go " they encouraged. Daisy shut her eyes again and pretended it was Sammy, but she knew it wouldn't be the same. Just as she thought her work was done, another youth demanded some action, and Davey T made it another fourtimer for Daisy. "When will they learn how to bat ?" she mused

Sorry- got a bit carried away there. here's the match report.............

We batted first, but didn't get enough, they batted second and did.

Captain Beaky's last hurrah ?

A typical Thursday night team sheet, with a wide range of ages & ability, and not a South African in sight. These blended perfectly to give us an all inclusive team performance against Capt Beaky & The Mill St Wanderers.


CB arrived full of it, as usual, and Moreton took to the field for some respite, only for him to follow us out there !
Jonny bowled well without success, and the breakthrough was finally achieved by Sam deftly deflecting a drive onto the stumps with his foot to run out the non-striker; the apology quickly followed. Al, on debut, bowled magnificently, and fully deserved figures of 4 overs 1-11. Dave & Thompy also bowled well to pick up 2 wickets each, and although the fielding was a bit ropey to start with, Thompy's drop was nearly forgotten, when he clung on to a much sharper chance later. Dene "where have my sunglasses gone ? " Taylor, a late sub for Carl "where has my hair gone ? " Jacobs fielded with great credit in the deep, and he'll be another asset in Bordeaux !

Ed & Tim opened, under the watchful eye of "The Swyncombe Scout" , and were soon smashing it all round the ground; after 3 overs The Landlord retired undefeated on 27 with everything under control. Nige avoided the Duck Hat, but Sam got out to a CB yorker, and Jonny grabbed the Duck hat with both hands by firing one straight into a gut bucket in the covers. CB & TMSW now had a sniff, but Bomber, back from "washing his hair" last week, had other ideas, and was soon in the thick of it. He successfully "de-wobbled" the innings with a mature 26*, joined by Thompy who smashed a quick 17 to send CB home, in silence, contemplating his uncertain future.
Next week it's Cuxham away & a few questions to be answered please ..............
Will Wicksey, who has apparently been busy spanking young boys at table tennis, be available ?
Will Westy be "off duty" & "up for it" ?
Will Simon find his way out of the "pink palace" in time ?
Will T.S.S. be watching from the bushes ?

Moreton GAIN !

Election Day saw the return of Herman Miles & the Deutscherabble from Miele. To be fair this wasn't their usual elite corps of players, and we even had to fill a vacuum in their team with our own players. Moreton used 6 bowlers to good effect, with everyone picking up wickets, although Tompy failed to reproduce the dizzy heights of 2 weeks ago, and Westy & Sam shared the plaudits with 3 wickets each. Nic, on loan from his Dad's birthday, kindly kept wicket, as Bomber was unable to fit us into his hectic schedule. Miele's score of just 75 certainly didn't look bombproof, and even a Mieles finest spin machine (pictured) would have struggled to defend it.


Dave T showed why he's going on tour to Bordeaux, with a classy duck. Charlie finally managed to unwrap his new blade, and produced the biggest swing of the night to excite the crowd on the back benches. Tim kept the scoreboard moving (19), whilst Carl & Westy fought over who should wear the Duck Hat. The final coalition of Capt Jonny (22*) & Old Pro Row steered us to a decisive victory in Moreton North.

It's a bowler's pitch.................

Thursday night cricket is back, and our first game was against The Footballer's Cricket Club. News had filtered through that qualification requirements for FCC had been tightened this year, to exclude all one legged people, born on a Tuesday morning, in a leap year; but eventually Piglet had his eclectic team ready for the off at 6pm. More than can be said for Moreton, who took to the field minus Sam Smith, who could be heard shouting "Sorry" from about a mile away as he was driven here at a leisurely pace.
Jonny opened the bowling and immediately took out Chris Lewis' stumps with a straight one; the perfect start ! Bus Pass Lewis Snr, showed more resolve & steadied the ship for FCC. Kaz & Westy bowled well & deserved their wickets. Dave T tried to get off the mark with an Al Qaeda style run to Jonny at mid off, who looked up in disbelief, started laughing at the infidel, but still managed to shovel the ball near enough to the stumps for Sam to run him out. Sammy bowled well too, and apologised even better. Simon had a good over, delivering balls with a volcanic ash coating out of the sun to bamboozle the footballers. It was left to their 2 pros, Piglet & Colin to save their day, scoring 54 out of their total of 77, from 16 overs. Only 1 dropped catch I think Oli- but it was a tough one. Rib crunching dives from Tim, are being regretted as I type.

Still 78 to win off 16 overs should have been a walk in the rec, as they say..........

Ed & Tim opened the batting, boasting nearly 4 metres & approaching 100 years between them- a frightening sight for the oppo ! Ed, despite not having played for a while, showed that his Eton education was worth every penny, with some classic drives, and witty repartee. Tim also looked in good form, and we were coasting along at 29-0 when the Captain demanded more from the touchlines. Ed responded by getting out, Charlie came in, peeling off the wrapper from a new piece of timber; sparkling, virgin, totally unblemished, reflecting brightly in the late evening sun. He returned 35 seconds later to the pavilion with bat condition unchanged; the first duck of the season, and a chance for Jonny to get out his "Duck hat " or as I think Claire Balding would call it, a fascinator. Photos were taken of the victim, but, in the meantime Spuz had succumbed to Thompy's 3rd ball, to give him a hatrick, and the quickest "pass" of the fascinator you could imagine. Would Jonny's camera have enough film for the evening ? Wickets continued to fall regularly, and despite Tim & Kaz hitting 6's to encourage the home team, we never really recovered. Capt Yaxley, out off an unlucky deflection, summed up our evening. Spuz gratefully passed the duck to Sam, who retained it thanks to Simon scrambling a single, before discovering 44 yards was too much for him.
Wot, no mention of Bomber I hear you ask ? Surely a game cannot have passed without Bomber registering a mention ? Well, actually Bomber kept wicket well, finished not out on 8, and paid his tab, so he would have been awarded "man of the match" if it weren't for Rule 4 subsection 6 which states that Bomber should never be given praise, trophies, awards, or sweets for anything achieved on the cricket field. Oh, but he is eligible for the Duck Hat.

Look forward to next week- Sam don't forget the DH- we're fielding first..............

Pre season social

Well not long now til we get started on the cricket, so time for a pre-season get together at The Bear for pub sports. thursday 11th March 8pm.



Everyone welcome





Cheers





Tim

MCC AGM

Takes place this Friday in The Bear. I was looking forward to seeing the agenda beforehand, but hey I can be so unrealistic sometimes......

MCC Dinner & Awards

Want to look like this ?.........................








.................................then book your tickets now (see below)

2009 Annual Dinner...

So that's it then. The season is over, time to get the christmas presents.
But before you do, treat yourself to your ticket to the Moreton Cricket Club annual dinner!

At The Bear on Saturday 14th November 7.30 for 7.45.
A two course dinner of Lamb Stroganoff and desserts as well as:
-Awards which, as last year, you have the chance to vote for, see the link below.
-Photos from the past season.
-All the averages and line scores.
-Information on next years Tour.

If you are vegetarian please let me know well in advance, so we can refuse you entry!!
Tickets are just £15, with a percentage of this going towards the club.
There are a limited number of places available so get yours before its too late!
Tickets are available from Nic Cross or at The Bear

WOGOF= Win one get one FREE !

Thanks Chaps......................

for another entertaining season with the midweek crew on Thursday nights. Special mention to our Captain for all his efforts, and of course Bomber, as always, for providing the cabaret.

Final word goes to our esteemed friend from Tasmania, who clearly thought his claret was corked..............

Happy Birthday Mate !

The Annual Didycot IV Challenge match took place tonight, with a new twist. It's now known as The Moreton V, Didcot I, Cholsey II, Weston Super Mare II, Soufend I, Challenge Shield- catchy isn't it ?
Jonny was introduced to his team of "friends" at 5:30, and as there were lots of " good to meet you mate" I thought it might be helpful to recap his team for him.............

Scabs ( should be playing for the mother team, but were bribed )
Westy- "Im a bowler, batsmen, wicketkeeper" - isn't that like Bomber ?
Smithy- I prefer a Maryland Cookie-" leave it to the adults son" DUCK
Clarkey " you should have picked me Simon Claridge " 6 Wickets
Wicksey- " I did nothing- no honestly, nothing at all " True
Thompy- " I'm a Dad ! " Possibly True- waiting for confirmation
Others ( no idea who Yaxley is, but will turn out for £5 )
Andy "pleased to meet you Jonny- where's my fiver ?"
Pete " Why do I need to stand back " Howe
Tom " I really can't bowl any faster mate " Hedge
Tom " remember me- I'm your Bro ? " DUCK
Wilfey- " nice to be involved mate- I'm away next year "
Umpires ( yes they were also part of his team)
Nic " pound of sausages " Cross
Howard " Chin up " Williams

JY won the toss and decided to bat. At 1 for 2 he was a worried 40 year old man, in a 10 year relationship. But, when Fletch put Simon on at the " charity end " the game changed with a 20 run over. When he was replaced by The Pie Chucker from Aston Tirrold, we all feared it could get even worse, but Bomber is a wily Mallard, and put the ball just out of their reach. The Cholsey-super-Mare team posted a respectable score of 122 from their 20.

Moreton ( what was left of it ) started brightly with Tim hitting Hedgey " I really can't bowl any faster mate " for 3 boundaries in the first over. Volvo hit a fair few too, but only Andy managed another meaningful contribution, which put us seriously behind the clock. Carl, avoided a hatrick with a judicious leave, Deno & Simon twatted a couple at the death, but to no avail, as C-s-M won by a couple of runs in the end.

Jonny is now off to show Madeleine McCann his shiny Shield in Portugal, so have a good time, and we're all going to practice harder for next year!

Beer & Cricket Fest

THURSDAY- well done to Sam Smith & his team; a comprehensive victory over Warborough. When asked for a view, Sam said " I am pleased we beat them 'cos they were right cocks "

Bomber is 8 under par..................

.........which would be pretty useful up at Hadden Hill, but not all that helpful for Thursday cricket ! He reached -8 with 2 bloopers on the boundary; the second being a particularly clownish effort, even by Bomber's standards. FCC posted a total of 102, which shouldn't have been enough. Wicksey claimed top spot with 4 wickets, and Rob was chuckling on the boundary at the stand in keeper Lockey. Nige took a good catch in the deep, Simon turned a couple, and was even seen walking in with the bowler at one point. Jonny bowled well & so did Sammy, even though he dropped a "stinger", but the dressing room was content at the change over. The FCC "ringers" bowled well, to make up for their lack of football experience, and the run rate was not easy to keep on top of. Tim did his best, launching Nick for a couple of sixes, and topped the batting. Bomber failed to get out of negative equity with a duck. Carl twatted a couple, Jonny got a golden (again), this time to Dave T of all people. Nige ran out Maha when he was in full flow with a PB.
Fletch had a chance to be a hero, but fluffed it again.
Well played Blewbury Aston, Soccer, Training And Research, Development Side !

Wallingford Squashed Club...............

Tour Notes from Torquay

We left The Bear at 09:00 on Sunday, and in normal circumstances we would expect Bomber to have been sick by 09:30. Phoned him at home at 09:40 and he hadn't chundered, which threw us somewhat, but hey the tour must go on.
Stopped at several charity shops for Wicksy to kit himself out, but unfortunately most were shut. Phil our driver seems a good guy, considering he's from Gloucester, and can't drive in reverse. We later discover he can play golf & poker. Arrive at Seaton after a detour down Devon's finest lanes. We all eat endangered species for lunch, except Wicksy, and arrive at the ground in good heart for a 2:30 start. Will pisses off his first person on tour by refusing to toss until he'd smoked another cigarette, and we end up fielding. First wicket goes to Charlie, caught by Tim, and everyone bowls really well to keep the run rate down. Their top scorer is a 10 year old with a speech impediment, so we're all feeling pretty good.With a target of 122, Tim & Squeak open and put on a healthy opening partership of 41, including a decent hit into the cheap housing at the north end of the ground. The partnership is finally broken when Squeak is dismissed for a Duck. John's in next and continues the good work. Tim gets bored and is out for 62, leaving Will & Fletch the simple task of both getting out cheaply. Smithy hits the winning runs with Rowan's specially imported bat & says sorry for the 38th time for taking a large chunk out of it-don't tell Rowan !
Off to Torquay & The Atlantis Hotel. Johnny has the bridal suite, whilst the rest of us slum it in 3' long beds. Friendly owners, or they were 'til they met Will. Nigel is fretting about his cat, Smithy is getting totally pissed on Cider.

Would the real duck please stand up ......

We always enjoy a good competitive game against Aston, led by Capt B.T & last night was right up there. Aston stung by their dramatic loss last time, bolstered their team with more youth & gob, whilst Moreton remained curiously confident, despite the presence of Bomber- why was this the case ? Having decided to bat first, Johnny explained his cunning plan; Bomber would be sent in as a "decoy" batsmen, high up the order, a place normally reserved for show offs such as Fletch. His mission to play badly enough that the oppo completely relaxed,thinking they were into the tail & put on some lesser bowlers for us to plunder. Unfortunately Bomber was not in long enough for Aston to realise how bad he is, as he fell to a second ball duck, thus scuppering weeks of meticulous planning

One of these is an industrious, skillful, hard working member of the team, can you spot him ?
(the others are just fakes)

A





B






C



Please send your answers on a post card to the non-playing Club Sec, who will give out cash prizes for all correct answers.

Back to the match........................
However. Moreton still posted a very healthy 174 with lots of contributions ( except Bomber of course) including
Tim 44*, Wicksy 36*. Johnny 28* & Sam Smith 25.

Sam & Westy kept them on the back foot with some fine bowling,& we particulary enjoyed an uprooted stump from Westy but it was Thompy who bagged the wickets with 3-24. Johnny bowled a short but economical spell & Simon finished the job with a "wrong un" expertly taken behind the stumps by Rob.

Final footnotes, I thought the pitch was a belter for batting, and a credit to the Head Groundsman, Mr Peter "Mallard" Lancaster- shame he couldn't make more personal use of the facilities !

Happy Touring !

More from JY..................................

As I was otherwise engaged, it's over to Johnny to post the story of Captain Beaky................

Battle of Moreton is lost..............

Internal politics saw our very own secret weapon "Bomber" donated to the enemy; this was no goodwill gesture, just an error of judgement. Herr Miles looked pretty pleased with his new acquisition, and although Peter is no "oil painting"





(Peter plans the downfall of his teammates -
"I will fight them on the beaches...............")




he is certainly a club "treasure" and should be treated accordingly; (i.e. kept for our own personal amusement !)

Batting first, MCC won the early skirmishes, as Tim claimed aerial superiority over the visitors, but wickets kept going down, and even Sam's brave resistance was ultimately futile, as Miele, took no prisoners, and blitzed us out with Teutonic efficiency.

101 was never going to be enough to challenge Miele, and even "Bomber" taxied out to the middle looking confident in his new role. "Double fisting" is Peter's modus operandi, and he proceeded to bash a few out of the park, before returning to the pavilion to show his new friends how he did it.

So a disappointing end to our unbeaten home record, but thankfully peace was restored afterwards in The Bear over a curry & a pint or six.

Vote Kaz.............

As election day wound down, the focus switched away from those dodgy, cheating, lying bastards to the more honourable pastime of representing your cricket club. No Inzimam al Lancaster for us; he is still sulking, after being named 23rd man last weekend. To be honest he looks more like one of those camel shagging terrorists, than a bona fida cricketer, but he assures us he's working on it in his spare time !

Anyway,Aston turned up, we batted, and at 28-5 looked in more trouble than Gordon Brown. Unlike the aforementioned jock, we managed a magnificent fightback, led by Kaz with an unbeaten 50, JY with a PB of 14, and ably supported by father to be Thompy, MCC somehow reached a respectable score of 150. Thompy unfortunately showed a serious lack of commitment to the team, by leaving early, before he bowled, to attend some minor family event at the JR- lightweight !

Luckily he was replaced by the more substantial figure of Fen, who immediately commanded respect from the batsmen with his enthusiastic running & sliding stops, apparently so expertly taught by his Dad, Charlie !

Plenty of others also stepped up to the mark, to apply some pressure to the Brummy twat & his mates. Although Wicksy has booked to see a chiropractor about his neck, badly strained while watching the ball fly back over his head, even he came back strongly. Kaz, Sam, Johnny & Joe all bowled well too, Rob performed well with the gloves, Carl fielded like a demon on the boundary & Simon sent 36 text messages whilst fielding at mid wicket, which is a new club record. Needing 27 from the last 2 overs, Aston's effort whimpered out, and a great victory was ours !

Well played everyone, but to be honest, without Kaz we were stuffed, and next week he's playing against us for the Krauts !

The team nobody wanted..............

lift the cup !

Congatulations to Johnny Y & his team for thrashing Brightwell and bringing back the Anniversary Cup to The Bear.
Even more meritoriously, this was achieved without the services of our 23rd man- Bomber.
JY has promised to provide the detail of how this glorious victory was achieved..................................