Despite resting some of their best players, Moreton comfortably dispatched the Didcot IV for the second year running. Johnny & Nic have promised to write their own views on the game, but as they are jumping out of a plane this morning, it may never happen- so here's a summary of why you lost
The Birthday Boy was spitefully run out by Fuz, who later, when the "chips" were down, failed to run fast enough to catch a cold, Howard predictably "dropped the Shield" 'cos the sun was in his eyes, the much hyped "Rent Boys" were useless with the bat & Thompy played no shot to the penultimate ball of the match.
Have I missed anything ?
Friday, August 17, 2007
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
THE LBW LAW FFS GUYS.
Evening, this post is to inform and educate some members of the squad, take note, even though there are no lbw's on a Thursday night, if you happen to be umpiring during a normal game your stupidity can have serious repercussions, so learn...
Officially:
in easier to understand language:
BASICALLY:
unless the ball pitches perfectly (essentially on middle) does not move in either direction and is not too high it's not out.
just because it hits the pads doesn't mean we have to get trigger happy.
Unless you are 100% certain (which should happen about once every 12 years)
IT IS NOT OUT.
the sheer number of variables mean that an lbw at our level is the rarest thing going, not 3 in one game!
sorry for the rant but there were some shockers today so the message of this is:
if you are umpiring: it's NOT OUT ...ever...pretty much.
Officially:
LAW 36 LEG BEFORE WICKET
1. Out LBW
The striker is out LBW in the circumstances set out below.
(a) The bowler delivers a ball, not being a No ball
and (b) the ball, if it is not intercepted full pitch, pitches in line
between wicket and wicket or on the off side of the
striker's wicket
and (c) the ball not having previously touched his bat, the striker
intercepts the ball, either full pitch or after pitching, with
any part of his person
and (d) the point of impact, even if above the level of the bails
either (i) is between wicket and wicket
or (ii) is either between wicket and wicket or outside
the line of the off stump, if the striker has made
no genuine attempt to play the ball with his bat
and (e) but for the interception, the ball would have hit the
wicket.
2. Interception of the ball
(a) In assessing points (c), (d) and (e) in 1 above, only the first
interception is to be considered.
(b) In assessing point (e) in 1 above, it is to be assumed that the
path of the ball before interception would have continued
after interception, irrespective of whether the ball might have
pitched subsequently or not.
3. Off side of wicket
The off side of the striker's wicket shall be determined by the
striker's stance at the moment the ball comes into play for that
delivery.
http://www.lords.org/data/files/laws_of_cricket_2003-8685.pdf
the MCC and if they don't know the laws...in easier to understand language:
Simon Hughes:
A red graphics strip is superimposed between the stumps to show where the ball pitched, and on which line the ball was travelling when it struck the batsman. The Red Zone is now familiar to TV audiences as part of the Hawk-Eye LBW package.
The three examples below illustrate how the Red Zone helps us to gauge which parts of the LBW law need to be considered if the batsman is struck on the pads in front of, or close to, the wicket.
The first picture shows a right-handed batsman receiving a ball which pitches outside the line (wicket to wicket) of the leg stump. If this happens he cannot be given out.
In the second picture we see a batsman struck on the pad outside the line of the off stump; because he is making a genuine attempt to play the ball then, in the opinion of the umpire, he cannot be given out.
In the third picture, however, there is no escape; if, in the umpire's opinion, the batsman is notmaking a genuine attempt to play the ball when struck outside the line of the off stump and the ball would have gone on the hit the stumps, then the batsman is out.
Copyright material reproduced under license from Macmillan Publishers Ltd.
Copyright © Simon Hughes 2001
http://www.channel4.com/sport/cricket/analyst/misc/ana_14.html
BASICALLY:
unless the ball pitches perfectly (essentially on middle) does not move in either direction and is not too high it's not out.
just because it hits the pads doesn't mean we have to get trigger happy.
Unless you are 100% certain (which should happen about once every 12 years)
IT IS NOT OUT.
the sheer number of variables mean that an lbw at our level is the rarest thing going, not 3 in one game!
sorry for the rant but there were some shockers today so the message of this is:
if you are umpiring: it's NOT OUT ...ever...pretty much.
The Groom's Nightmare
The long awaited rematch with Wallingford Squash Club turned out to be totally different affair from the first game. For a start, we could only muster a X rather than than XI and Wallingford Squash Club are now amalgamated with Hampshire Cricket Academy with a bonus Aussie thrown in. The toss was lost and the Squash went into bat against our second choice opening attack of Jonny and Fuz. Fuzzy's nightmare was about to begin! He tried two overs from either end but even a change of ends couldn't prevent him being carted for 56 runs from his 4 overs.Their first batsman to leave the middle retired on 30 odd then out strode the aussie, after clobbering Jonny for a boundary the bowler got one to jag back and hit his leg stump, his only success. Despite some respectable bowling from Sam Smith and James Price we couldn't prevent them from hammering us for 179! Fuz managed to divert a possible catch into his adam's apple rendering him silent for while and while he went off the field for treatment we took two quick wickets and as soon as he returned they continued the onslaught! Our bowling attack was so depleted that even Bomber got 4 overs. Bomber's trademark appears to be to concede a 6 off the first ball of every over then try to claw it back from there! Interesting. Onto the Batting, not much to say really apart from without Bomber's 37 our humble 89 would have looked a whole lot poorer! Fuz scored 6,4 W. an explosive if not incredibly short innings although he did think he should get credit for keeping up with the run rate albeit for a very brief period of time! Hampshire boy bowled Lockey, Carter and Yaxley out of the sun and our sojourn in the middle soon came to an end. A word though must be said about the Squash captain who always buys us a couple of jugs of beer after the game, other opposition captains take note!
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Authors, pictures and more
Last week I sent out an email asking you to join the blog, once you join you can start your own thread, post pictures and more.
The email will be from blogger which will ask you to register, its quick, painless and once you're registered you can start posting whatever you like.
If you deleted the email thinking it was junk, just reply to this post and I'll invite you again.
The email will be from blogger which will ask you to register, its quick, painless and once you're registered you can start posting whatever you like.
If you deleted the email thinking it was junk, just reply to this post and I'll invite you again.
Friday, July 20, 2007
Cuxham....ok so we're all square now...
Having had, by all accounts a very successful tour, we were delighted to play hosts to a touring team ourselves Cuxham (New South Wales). Like all Antipodeans this lot wouldn't shut up. After every ball it was "Oh great ball ritchie" and when batting "Oh great shot" even when the batsman had just about managed to get the bat to the ball. I am painfully aware that it's something that I failed to achieve, however my sentiments remain: SHUT UP!
So with that off me chest... Cuxham bowled, and bowled well, one of their sprightly openers has not learnt that if you're going to bowl fast you need to warn us by taking a long run up, having us in all sorts of trouble, and claiming a few wickets here and there. They also had a nifty spinner, who took an incredible one handed diving catch in gully to remove a stunned fuz. Bomber looked in good touch, Jonny also contributed, but when Kaz and Old Sam were in the middle the scoreboard started to tick along at a much faster rate. Sam was making some lovely clean shots, dispatching their last bowler into the field for a lovely six, and Kaz was edging effectively as well. In the end we posted a modest 103-6.
Cuxham's opening pair strode out to the crease, looking all the bit profesh in their matching kit, they walked back to the pavilion with their tails between their legs, having been on the recieving end of some great bowling from Jonny and Fuz. We were back in the game as we steadilly took more wickets, credit going to Tim for a great full length dive topped off with a majestic catch. And to Jonny for a backwards jog, a solid catch, and an arse over tit fall topped off with concussion.
Some dodgy scoring (though who can tell the difference between Kaz and Claridge anyway?) saw the new skippers plans scuppered. Cuxham did eventually knock the runs off, and it was a closer game than many would have anticipated.
So back to the pub where we shared some grub, and Lockey bought his half jug for a duck, I bought a jug for my golden duck, and Bomber bought his half a jug for dropping the tour.
Next week its the Tappin Cup...
So with that off me chest... Cuxham bowled, and bowled well, one of their sprightly openers has not learnt that if you're going to bowl fast you need to warn us by taking a long run up, having us in all sorts of trouble, and claiming a few wickets here and there. They also had a nifty spinner, who took an incredible one handed diving catch in gully to remove a stunned fuz. Bomber looked in good touch, Jonny also contributed, but when Kaz and Old Sam were in the middle the scoreboard started to tick along at a much faster rate. Sam was making some lovely clean shots, dispatching their last bowler into the field for a lovely six, and Kaz was edging effectively as well. In the end we posted a modest 103-6.
Cuxham's opening pair strode out to the crease, looking all the bit profesh in their matching kit, they walked back to the pavilion with their tails between their legs, having been on the recieving end of some great bowling from Jonny and Fuz. We were back in the game as we steadilly took more wickets, credit going to Tim for a great full length dive topped off with a majestic catch. And to Jonny for a backwards jog, a solid catch, and an arse over tit fall topped off with concussion.
Some dodgy scoring (though who can tell the difference between Kaz and Claridge anyway?) saw the new skippers plans scuppered. Cuxham did eventually knock the runs off, and it was a closer game than many would have anticipated.
So back to the pub where we shared some grub, and Lockey bought his half jug for a duck, I bought a jug for my golden duck, and Bomber bought his half a jug for dropping the tour.
Next week its the Tappin Cup...
Friday, July 13, 2007
Bomber drops the tour..........
As promised, there's more from Brighton.
Day 2 Thursday 12th July
Eventually driven out of our room by a methane gas surge, courtesy of Simon at 08:00- found no fellow tourists at breakfast, and thankfully George had knocked off, so peace reigned. The day shift were being briefed about the appearance of a traffic cone on the landing near Kaz's room, and Gerald & Anne were checking out, apparently satisfied that the tour was in good shape. I saw Nigel giving his new pads a good talking too in the lobby, and Kaz eventually appeared looking decidedly yellow around the gills. Photographic evidence suggested that he, Bomber, Will & Matt gang raped Johnny at 04:30. Will soon appeared wearing a "Right said Fred" vest and a cheap plastic ear stud, looking every inch a rent boy. Lunch at The Bull in Newick provided the necessary tonic before the game, and we arrived at the ground in good time, if not good shape.
An impressive ground, and we soon realised that they might have the players to match. Batting first, our hosts started to rattle the electronic scoreboard. Johnny got the first wicket of the day again, with a nice edge to Mike in the slips, but looked less pleased to be smashed all round the ground soon after. Crompo tried a spell up the hill, which in fact resembled a red run at Courcheval, and had to give way to Will, who at least bowled well enough to slow the scoring, despite throwing up behind their posh sightscreen earlier. The key moment of the game came when Bomber shelled an easy catch behind the stumps, and the reprieved little shi*te went on to get a ton, before Matt blasted him out with a ferocious, unplayable ball. Simon demonstrated his ability to multi task at mid off, taking a conference call whilst scratching his arse & picking his nose. Kaz ended up wicketless again, and fell out with their umpire, Tim spent the whole afternoon tantalisingly near the bar & deckchairs, Percy played for Newick, Squeak spent many hours at the bottom of the red run, and Mikey fumed at the appalling fielding. We got them out for an acceptable 197, and rushed in for an extended tea, and check on the racing results.
Batting proved tricky, and wickets fell steadily; Will managed partnerships with Crompo, Claridge (career best 10) & Mike, Nige got another Duck, and offered his pads to Tim, in an effort to break the voodoo. Tim scored 3 and Nige got spiteful, outrageously giving him out lbw- the writing was on the wall. The tail failed to wag, and we capitulated. Percy therefore ended up on the 2 winning sides, and Nige had a pair of losses to put with his brace of duck.Nice to have a few beers after in the pavilion bar, whilst planning our evening assault on Brighton & George.
Man of the Match- Will(Is it 'cos I is from Worcestershire) a solid all round game & great sledging
Highlight of the match-An all run 4 from Simon, who needed an oxygen tent to recover.
Cone Head & The Crinklies (what a great name for a band) bade us farewell, and we returned to the crime scene, but with a cunning twist- Chinese instead of Indian. Soggy Prawn Crackers didn't deter us, and a fairly good meal was enjoyed. More beer and a visit to a smelly urinal of a club called Casablanca, were the foreplay to the main event- George Baiting. We warmed up with cable reel bowling along the front, and the trip back passed quickly. The bar was raised, when George tried to evade serving us by unloading a lorry, Johnny suggested he kissed the other night staff, and George went off at the deep end- "an abomination to my culture" he said- almost as offensive as serving short measures is, in our culture ?
Day 2 Thursday 12th July
Eventually driven out of our room by a methane gas surge, courtesy of Simon at 08:00- found no fellow tourists at breakfast, and thankfully George had knocked off, so peace reigned. The day shift were being briefed about the appearance of a traffic cone on the landing near Kaz's room, and Gerald & Anne were checking out, apparently satisfied that the tour was in good shape. I saw Nigel giving his new pads a good talking too in the lobby, and Kaz eventually appeared looking decidedly yellow around the gills. Photographic evidence suggested that he, Bomber, Will & Matt gang raped Johnny at 04:30. Will soon appeared wearing a "Right said Fred" vest and a cheap plastic ear stud, looking every inch a rent boy. Lunch at The Bull in Newick provided the necessary tonic before the game, and we arrived at the ground in good time, if not good shape.
An impressive ground, and we soon realised that they might have the players to match. Batting first, our hosts started to rattle the electronic scoreboard. Johnny got the first wicket of the day again, with a nice edge to Mike in the slips, but looked less pleased to be smashed all round the ground soon after. Crompo tried a spell up the hill, which in fact resembled a red run at Courcheval, and had to give way to Will, who at least bowled well enough to slow the scoring, despite throwing up behind their posh sightscreen earlier. The key moment of the game came when Bomber shelled an easy catch behind the stumps, and the reprieved little shi*te went on to get a ton, before Matt blasted him out with a ferocious, unplayable ball. Simon demonstrated his ability to multi task at mid off, taking a conference call whilst scratching his arse & picking his nose. Kaz ended up wicketless again, and fell out with their umpire, Tim spent the whole afternoon tantalisingly near the bar & deckchairs, Percy played for Newick, Squeak spent many hours at the bottom of the red run, and Mikey fumed at the appalling fielding. We got them out for an acceptable 197, and rushed in for an extended tea, and check on the racing results.
Batting proved tricky, and wickets fell steadily; Will managed partnerships with Crompo, Claridge (career best 10) & Mike, Nige got another Duck, and offered his pads to Tim, in an effort to break the voodoo. Tim scored 3 and Nige got spiteful, outrageously giving him out lbw- the writing was on the wall. The tail failed to wag, and we capitulated. Percy therefore ended up on the 2 winning sides, and Nige had a pair of losses to put with his brace of duck.Nice to have a few beers after in the pavilion bar, whilst planning our evening assault on Brighton & George.
Man of the Match- Will(Is it 'cos I is from Worcestershire) a solid all round game & great sledging
Highlight of the match-An all run 4 from Simon, who needed an oxygen tent to recover.
Cone Head & The Crinklies (what a great name for a band) bade us farewell, and we returned to the crime scene, but with a cunning twist- Chinese instead of Indian. Soggy Prawn Crackers didn't deter us, and a fairly good meal was enjoyed. More beer and a visit to a smelly urinal of a club called Casablanca, were the foreplay to the main event- George Baiting. We warmed up with cable reel bowling along the front, and the trip back passed quickly. The bar was raised, when George tried to evade serving us by unloading a lorry, Johnny suggested he kissed the other night staff, and George went off at the deep end- "an abomination to my culture" he said- almost as offensive as serving short measures is, in our culture ?
A Tourists Diary
First a little background info for anyone unfamiliar :-
The Players......
Kaz Miles- Clubbing Captain & Hoover salesman- aka "cone head"-someone please paste in the photo.
Mike Howat-President's son, Cambridge Blue, stand in Captain when Kaz has a hangover.
Mike Stimpson- aka "Squeak" (why ?) -useful chap to have in the team if you want to know about local property prices.
Percy Stimpson- currently a Vice President of the club, but not for long according to Gerald- it was a typo !
Nigel Hessey- aka "Shandy"- stalwart of the club and team physio, with the newest pads in the team.
Steve Crompton- aka "Crompo"-hails from Bristol, but we won't hold it against him, if he brings the Beefeater Gin he promised.
Simon Claridge- larger than life software salesman, with the banter to match-farts like a hippo in a fish tank.
Tim Haworth- Landlord of The Bear (Pub of the Year in South Oxfordshire)- snores like a wart hog in a phone box-apparently.
Johnny Yaxley- Midweek Captain, & Hairy Landscape Gardener -aka "Swagger"
Will Macdonald- Scruffy youth-talented sledger, bat & Johnny's Bitch
Peter Lancaster- aka "Bomber" -retired artist, supported by his wife while he tries to get established as a F1 driver
Matt Wicks- Guardian reading, sandal wearing, beardie, electrical wholesaler. Recently voted best fielder in South England by an online poll.
Supporting Cast-cameo performances from....
Gerald & Anne Howat- "The Doctors"- The President pops up on tour to check standards are not slipping, and usually leaves disappointed.
Alf Crompton- Steve's Old Man- though they actually look the same age. Has finally retired as Kitty man-apparently the introduction of a new£20 note was the final straw.
George Foreman- retired boxer & grill salesman, now Night Manager at The Ramada in Brighton. Likes nothing better than a good party in the hotel bar after a few Campari + grapefruits.
The Venues......
Ramada Jarvis Hotel, Brighton Seafront Hotel, home to the touring team, apart from 2 Pennypinchers who stayed in St Christopher's Hospice, down the road, sharing a room with a corpse to save money.
Plumpton Agricultural College-re-branded as a Centre for Rural Based Studies, but still a cow field in the middle of nowhere, by any other name.
Newick CC- smart ground in rural Sussex with large pavilion, club bar, electronic scoreboard, & its own ASBO Shelter for the local hooligans
Day 1-Wednesday11th July.
Left late due to Simon Claridge shopping for tiles at B & Q. Bomber's car, surprisingly spacious. First row after 5 minutes, about best way onto M4. Bomber insists on going via every BP garage to get his nectar points; apparently he only has to spend another £15,000 on fuel to get enough points to get his coveted hedgetrimmer. Matt reads The Guardian, Tim reads a pub trade paper, Simon farts & picks his nose, Bomber "floors it" to Reading Services. We overdose on Jelly Babies, and get overtaken on the M25 by Kaz, Johnny & Will, who left 6 hours after us. We book in to our Hotel- Kaz bags the best room- the view from the toilet is "to die for".
A quick lunch at The Half Moon is next on the agenda. A fair enough pub, in the sticks, full of wrinklies, who have time on their hands, and rather surprisingly, a picture of Ernie Collins on the wall. We order Ham Baguettes with chips, 'cos this will be quickest ? Bomber's chips vanish between kitchen & table, and another row ensues. We arrive at the ground rather late, to find Gerald has already pacified the opposition, by giving them all signed copies of his books. He briefs us all on the high standards of the club, as we all open bottles of Becks with a rusty screwdriver. Nige donates himself to Southwick, who look amazingly grateful; ignorance really is bliss ! Simon's method of organising matches bites him the arse, as it appears another team are waiting for us, in another cow field over the downs; Simon tells them they should field first, and we'll be there in a jiffy. Meanwhile we knock over Southwick for a modest 119, with Percy starring big time with 5 for 9 in 3 overs- his bowling was seriously unbelievable. The old pros caution us that with the outfield being so slow, it might be tougher than we think. Squeak, Tim, & Kaz ignore the advice, and get out trying to smash the ball around, and it's left to Mikey & Willy to steady the ship, before the Gardeners nip in and take the glory, hitting the winning runs with at least an over to spare.
Man of the match -Percy "paceman" Stimpson for his fifor. His name has been scratched on the Southwick honours board, which doubles as a pig pen in Winter.
Highlight of the Match- Nigel getting a duck for the opposition- he's starting to fret that his new pads maybe unlucky, as this is his 4th consecutive duck since he bought them.
Return to the seaside via the Half Moon, who are still trying to fulfil their lunchtime orders; luckily a couple of customers have died in the interim, so the waiting list is shrinking. Freshen up, and head into "town" for a curry. The "crusties" get us banned from one pub, by looking menacing, but we eventually settle for a few in the aptly named "Victory", before hitting the curry house, where Bomber notched up a personal best, eating everyones left overs. After being refused entry to several clubs, for being too old, Johnny decided he would have to entertain us by throwing himself into the sea, fully clothed. The Hospice 2 accompanied Will & Kaz to a club, and for the rest of us, the hotel bar now beckoned, with its global reputation as "the bar that never closes until the last guest leaves" we were confident of a good finish to the day. We were therefore rather surprised to find it closed, and guarded by George, the duty manager. After a 20 minute row he grudgingly served us some drinks, and attempted to exact revenge for us disturbing his evening, by asking £8.55 for a Campari. Naturally he was told to F@@k off. At this point Nige notched up a PB, this being the latest he has ever stayed up; unfortunately he had taken his pads off by now, so the chances of it reversing his ill fortune seemed slim. Johnny & Tim decided to continue "George baiting" by staying up, and ordering some more drinks; George retaliated by insisting that TV with no sound still might keep other guests awake !
To be continued next time I'm bored................
read the next installment to find out how Bomber "dropped the tour" & George's next move in his battle with the infidel customers. Did Nige get any runs with his unlucky pads ? - all exclusively online in Moreton Midweek.
The Players......
Kaz Miles- Clubbing Captain & Hoover salesman- aka "cone head"-someone please paste in the photo.
Mike Howat-President's son, Cambridge Blue, stand in Captain when Kaz has a hangover.
Mike Stimpson- aka "Squeak" (why ?) -useful chap to have in the team if you want to know about local property prices.
Percy Stimpson- currently a Vice President of the club, but not for long according to Gerald- it was a typo !
Nigel Hessey- aka "Shandy"- stalwart of the club and team physio, with the newest pads in the team.
Steve Crompton- aka "Crompo"-hails from Bristol, but we won't hold it against him, if he brings the Beefeater Gin he promised.
Simon Claridge- larger than life software salesman, with the banter to match-farts like a hippo in a fish tank.
Tim Haworth- Landlord of The Bear (Pub of the Year in South Oxfordshire)- snores like a wart hog in a phone box-apparently.
Johnny Yaxley- Midweek Captain, & Hairy Landscape Gardener -aka "Swagger"
Will Macdonald- Scruffy youth-talented sledger, bat & Johnny's Bitch
Peter Lancaster- aka "Bomber" -retired artist, supported by his wife while he tries to get established as a F1 driver
Matt Wicks- Guardian reading, sandal wearing, beardie, electrical wholesaler. Recently voted best fielder in South England by an online poll.
Supporting Cast-cameo performances from....
Gerald & Anne Howat- "The Doctors"- The President pops up on tour to check standards are not slipping, and usually leaves disappointed.
Alf Crompton- Steve's Old Man- though they actually look the same age. Has finally retired as Kitty man-apparently the introduction of a new£20 note was the final straw.
George Foreman- retired boxer & grill salesman, now Night Manager at The Ramada in Brighton. Likes nothing better than a good party in the hotel bar after a few Campari + grapefruits.
The Venues......
Ramada Jarvis Hotel, Brighton Seafront Hotel, home to the touring team, apart from 2 Pennypinchers who stayed in St Christopher's Hospice, down the road, sharing a room with a corpse to save money.
Plumpton Agricultural College-re-branded as a Centre for Rural Based Studies, but still a cow field in the middle of nowhere, by any other name.
Newick CC- smart ground in rural Sussex with large pavilion, club bar, electronic scoreboard, & its own ASBO Shelter for the local hooligans
Day 1-Wednesday11th July.
Left late due to Simon Claridge shopping for tiles at B & Q. Bomber's car, surprisingly spacious. First row after 5 minutes, about best way onto M4. Bomber insists on going via every BP garage to get his nectar points; apparently he only has to spend another £15,000 on fuel to get enough points to get his coveted hedgetrimmer. Matt reads The Guardian, Tim reads a pub trade paper, Simon farts & picks his nose, Bomber "floors it" to Reading Services. We overdose on Jelly Babies, and get overtaken on the M25 by Kaz, Johnny & Will, who left 6 hours after us. We book in to our Hotel- Kaz bags the best room- the view from the toilet is "to die for".
A quick lunch at The Half Moon is next on the agenda. A fair enough pub, in the sticks, full of wrinklies, who have time on their hands, and rather surprisingly, a picture of Ernie Collins on the wall. We order Ham Baguettes with chips, 'cos this will be quickest ? Bomber's chips vanish between kitchen & table, and another row ensues. We arrive at the ground rather late, to find Gerald has already pacified the opposition, by giving them all signed copies of his books. He briefs us all on the high standards of the club, as we all open bottles of Becks with a rusty screwdriver. Nige donates himself to Southwick, who look amazingly grateful; ignorance really is bliss ! Simon's method of organising matches bites him the arse, as it appears another team are waiting for us, in another cow field over the downs; Simon tells them they should field first, and we'll be there in a jiffy. Meanwhile we knock over Southwick for a modest 119, with Percy starring big time with 5 for 9 in 3 overs- his bowling was seriously unbelievable. The old pros caution us that with the outfield being so slow, it might be tougher than we think. Squeak, Tim, & Kaz ignore the advice, and get out trying to smash the ball around, and it's left to Mikey & Willy to steady the ship, before the Gardeners nip in and take the glory, hitting the winning runs with at least an over to spare.
Man of the match -Percy "paceman" Stimpson for his fifor. His name has been scratched on the Southwick honours board, which doubles as a pig pen in Winter.
Highlight of the Match- Nigel getting a duck for the opposition- he's starting to fret that his new pads maybe unlucky, as this is his 4th consecutive duck since he bought them.
Return to the seaside via the Half Moon, who are still trying to fulfil their lunchtime orders; luckily a couple of customers have died in the interim, so the waiting list is shrinking. Freshen up, and head into "town" for a curry. The "crusties" get us banned from one pub, by looking menacing, but we eventually settle for a few in the aptly named "Victory", before hitting the curry house, where Bomber notched up a personal best, eating everyones left overs. After being refused entry to several clubs, for being too old, Johnny decided he would have to entertain us by throwing himself into the sea, fully clothed. The Hospice 2 accompanied Will & Kaz to a club, and for the rest of us, the hotel bar now beckoned, with its global reputation as "the bar that never closes until the last guest leaves" we were confident of a good finish to the day. We were therefore rather surprised to find it closed, and guarded by George, the duty manager. After a 20 minute row he grudgingly served us some drinks, and attempted to exact revenge for us disturbing his evening, by asking £8.55 for a Campari. Naturally he was told to F@@k off. At this point Nige notched up a PB, this being the latest he has ever stayed up; unfortunately he had taken his pads off by now, so the chances of it reversing his ill fortune seemed slim. Johnny & Tim decided to continue "George baiting" by staying up, and ordering some more drinks; George retaliated by insisting that TV with no sound still might keep other guests awake !
To be continued next time I'm bored................
read the next installment to find out how Bomber "dropped the tour" & George's next move in his battle with the infidel customers. Did Nige get any runs with his unlucky pads ? - all exclusively online in Moreton Midweek.
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Wot no Beer !
We may be used to playing The Didcot IV, but were rather surprised when The Brewery turned up with just 4 players & no beer; the lack of players would have been acceptable if the beer had materialised. Anyway, charitable sorts that we are, we found them some spares, including a budding, if rather scruffy, Worcestershire player, named Macdonald, a scruffy amateur, called Templeman , and a Welsh import called Mowie- collectively known as "scabs". Our application for charitable status is now quite advanced, following loose bowling and slack fielding;at least the jug count was rising faster than the barometer reading, which was steadfastly stuck in November. Will was dropped twice, and was involved in at least 2 run outs as he strolled the required 22 yards. His cricketing aspirations should perhaps be revised, and a place in Lea & Perrins 2nd XI would seem appropriate, on this showing. A quick mention for Nige, who fielded frenetically, as if he was on speed, and Fuz, who actually was on speed, while the rest of us stuck with valium overdoses. A large total off 15 overs, which I can't recall, always looked beyond us, with their star bowler "Smelly Kelly" being particularly economical. Sam had invested in a new "woodworm" bat, which unfortunately lived up to its name and fell to bits in his hands, and Fuz tried to entertain us with a couple of sixes, but finally the valium prevailed, and we all adjourned to the pub, to drink anything but White Horse.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
The Great Cornish Escape
Our roving reporter has sent in this match report-enjoy.......
A tatty looking bunch of gobby strangers turned up in Moreton today.People were worried, Gerald was notified, the village was put on red alert. However, the immediate concern turned out to be misplaced. These loudmouth larrikins were in fact a shambolic excuse for a cricket team that had been invited here by Fuzzy(only just paid my subs)Meldrew! Anyway onto the game. (Can I play Nigel, can I play) Steeno opened the innings with the in-form (soon to be disgraced) Bomber. It didn't take long for Bomber to prove that his 29 not out last week was an incredible stroke of luck as opposed to a new dawn, by the way he surrendered his wicket for 4 in a hapless fashion! In came Josh, 11 years old full of enthusiasm and what followed was something I hope I never ever see on a cricket field again. Josh was out second ball and to witness their their celebrations you would think that they had just dismissed Brian Lara/Sachin Tendulkar/Viv Richards/Will Macdonald (take your pick)! In came Wilfy, who never looked in trouble, making his early season form look like a distant nightmare. Steeno then played a shot that was more becoming of a little tiny girl the way he poofed the ball in the air to a gobshite fielder stood no more than 2 yards away! The next man in was the skipper Jonny who walked to the crease with a series of unimaginative Bill Bailey based comments ringing in his ears.Wilfy departed shortly afterwards, unlucky to be run out by a direct hit from the little gobby curly one. Out strode Wicksy (to some equally unimaginative long hair/beard based banter) and he and the skipper set about putting this ragtag outfit to the sword.
The scoreboard ticked along nicely and Mr Bean, Lanky Streak of Piss et al became more vociferous by the over, with the rain now taking centre stage there was just enough time for Jonny to drive the son of the ginger one from coronation street and the washing powder adverts over extra cover for 6. With the score a comfortable 71 for 4 we finally came in from the rain.
The rain break lasted approximately 2 pints then play resumed on a new look sticky pudding wicket. Runs were at a premium partly due to the state of the pitch and partly due to some accurate bowling from Mr Bean.Then what happened next defied belief!
Steeno who wouldn't know an LBW from a KFC raised his pointy little finger and Wicksy had to walk, given out by an officious little man to a ball so obviously going down the legside it wouldn't have hit another another set of stumps had they been there.With Jonny looking comfortable on 26 not out, Bomber, seemingly worried about being upstaged by his fellow umpire gave the skipper out LBW to a ball which hit him on the front leg which was so far down the wicket it was practically in the opposite popping crease, toys were thrown from the pram and words were exchanged!
Nigel and young Sam took the score past the hundred mark with the latter responding well to the somewhat inappropriate banter from Lanky Streak of Piss with a sweetly struck 4. At 104 for 6 from 16 overs the heavens opened again and ultimately the jollities were brought to a premature end.
This signalled a return to the pub for some much deserved liquid refreshment and the business of young Josh hustling the opposition wicketkeeper Michael (the term wicketkeeper being used in it's loosest form!) and turncoat guest star Dougie, out of a tenner in a catching competition. Bomber the umpire was caught accepting a drink from Lanky Streak of Piss (the bowler who benefited from his total lack of understanding of the LBW law) and as usual Steeno didn't join his team-mates for a drink!
Man of the Match : Lanky Streak of Piss (Olly) for his buttock/loin based sledging, his comedy fielding letting a ball straight through his legs for 4 and his all round entertainment!
A tatty looking bunch of gobby strangers turned up in Moreton today.People were worried, Gerald was notified, the village was put on red alert. However, the immediate concern turned out to be misplaced. These loudmouth larrikins were in fact a shambolic excuse for a cricket team that had been invited here by Fuzzy(only just paid my subs)Meldrew! Anyway onto the game. (Can I play Nigel, can I play) Steeno opened the innings with the in-form (soon to be disgraced) Bomber. It didn't take long for Bomber to prove that his 29 not out last week was an incredible stroke of luck as opposed to a new dawn, by the way he surrendered his wicket for 4 in a hapless fashion! In came Josh, 11 years old full of enthusiasm and what followed was something I hope I never ever see on a cricket field again. Josh was out second ball and to witness their their celebrations you would think that they had just dismissed Brian Lara/Sachin Tendulkar/Viv Richards/Will Macdonald (take your pick)! In came Wilfy, who never looked in trouble, making his early season form look like a distant nightmare. Steeno then played a shot that was more becoming of a little tiny girl the way he poofed the ball in the air to a gobshite fielder stood no more than 2 yards away! The next man in was the skipper Jonny who walked to the crease with a series of unimaginative Bill Bailey based comments ringing in his ears.Wilfy departed shortly afterwards, unlucky to be run out by a direct hit from the little gobby curly one. Out strode Wicksy (to some equally unimaginative long hair/beard based banter) and he and the skipper set about putting this ragtag outfit to the sword.
The scoreboard ticked along nicely and Mr Bean, Lanky Streak of Piss et al became more vociferous by the over, with the rain now taking centre stage there was just enough time for Jonny to drive the son of the ginger one from coronation street and the washing powder adverts over extra cover for 6. With the score a comfortable 71 for 4 we finally came in from the rain.
The rain break lasted approximately 2 pints then play resumed on a new look sticky pudding wicket. Runs were at a premium partly due to the state of the pitch and partly due to some accurate bowling from Mr Bean.Then what happened next defied belief!
Steeno who wouldn't know an LBW from a KFC raised his pointy little finger and Wicksy had to walk, given out by an officious little man to a ball so obviously going down the legside it wouldn't have hit another another set of stumps had they been there.With Jonny looking comfortable on 26 not out, Bomber, seemingly worried about being upstaged by his fellow umpire gave the skipper out LBW to a ball which hit him on the front leg which was so far down the wicket it was practically in the opposite popping crease, toys were thrown from the pram and words were exchanged!
Nigel and young Sam took the score past the hundred mark with the latter responding well to the somewhat inappropriate banter from Lanky Streak of Piss with a sweetly struck 4. At 104 for 6 from 16 overs the heavens opened again and ultimately the jollities were brought to a premature end.
This signalled a return to the pub for some much deserved liquid refreshment and the business of young Josh hustling the opposition wicketkeeper Michael (the term wicketkeeper being used in it's loosest form!) and turncoat guest star Dougie, out of a tenner in a catching competition. Bomber the umpire was caught accepting a drink from Lanky Streak of Piss (the bowler who benefited from his total lack of understanding of the LBW law) and as usual Steeno didn't join his team-mates for a drink!
Man of the Match : Lanky Streak of Piss (Olly) for his buttock/loin based sledging, his comedy fielding letting a ball straight through his legs for 4 and his all round entertainment!
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Brewery hammered
Those jolly nice chaps from White Horse Brewery, arrived with beer in't boot, and the forecast rain stayed away long enough for us to repay their generosity, with a good thrashing. I think I wouldn't choose to field first if there's beer on tap in the pavilion, but then I also wouldn't choose to park my pick up truck at long leg either. Anyway, the driver will be showing everyone his souvenir scar from the landlord for a while to come. The Bomber hit form with the bat, and retired on 29, and other highlights included Captain Marvelous with a cameo innings, and Sam's cracking 4 off his first ball. Talking of balls, what was that loud hollow sound emanating from Tompe's box ? Rob's duck halved his average, which is only fair- in fact it's more than fair. Judas Fletcher caught Matt-thanks pal, but127 still looked enough.
Matt opened up with a fierce first over, taking 2 wickets, including Andy with the first ball of their innings. Ollie "Harmo" Squires kept them on their toes with a variety of wides no balls & wickets, and although a few catches went down, we were always in control. Johnny, who has just finished reading Michael Vaughan's new book, tweaked the field after every ball, so it was nearly midnight when we wrapped it up. Anyway, like Vaughany, he's also patched things up with the scruffy, pedalo loving, lager lout, of the team, and Fuz has now finally paid his subs. How did we manage without his awesome contribution?
Man of the match= The Bomber
Matt opened up with a fierce first over, taking 2 wickets, including Andy with the first ball of their innings. Ollie "Harmo" Squires kept them on their toes with a variety of wides no balls & wickets, and although a few catches went down, we were always in control. Johnny, who has just finished reading Michael Vaughan's new book, tweaked the field after every ball, so it was nearly midnight when we wrapped it up. Anyway, like Vaughany, he's also patched things up with the scruffy, pedalo loving, lager lout, of the team, and Fuz has now finally paid his subs. How did we manage without his awesome contribution?
Man of the match= The Bomber
Friday, June 08, 2007
Victor "Fuz" Meldrew hasn't paid his subs....
The main story this week is not our traumatic loss to some people near Wales, but rather that Fuz is witholding his MCC subs until he is selected to play. I don't believe it ! Apparently rather miffed that a totally shit player, who lives nearby, should be picked ahead of him, he has vowed not to pay until picked, which of course is not possible under current club rules. Watching from the wings, he was critical of our performance tonight- quite rightly-but wouldn't it be more helpful to pay up and get involved rather than bitch from the sidelines ? Luckily SKY weren't here to record the spat, and I am happy to say team spirit is still high.
Batting first, we scored steadily, with Tim top scoring and Nigel going well until he committed Hari Kari. Wickets fell steadily until a great rally from Robbo & Tadcaster, who managed a six from a forward defensive off the last ball, thanks to twatty fielding from the Welsh. Even Fuz agreed that 101 wasn't as bad as it might have been.
Aston ticked over at 6 per over until Simon Claridge "purchased" a wicket for 3 sixes in his first over-probably not his best buy - and they were looking confident, with Howard "bungie" arm Williams his usual self in the field. A bit of late sledging from Captain Swagger, threatened some respectability, but SC lost it on a low note with one going between the the legs for four.
Man of the Match - Tompy who got a duck, dropped a catch, but bowled well and paid his subs.
PS Blewbury are complete twats- did you see Sky's Cricket AM ?
Batting first, we scored steadily, with Tim top scoring and Nigel going well until he committed Hari Kari. Wickets fell steadily until a great rally from Robbo & Tadcaster, who managed a six from a forward defensive off the last ball, thanks to twatty fielding from the Welsh. Even Fuz agreed that 101 wasn't as bad as it might have been.
Aston ticked over at 6 per over until Simon Claridge "purchased" a wicket for 3 sixes in his first over-probably not his best buy - and they were looking confident, with Howard "bungie" arm Williams his usual self in the field. A bit of late sledging from Captain Swagger, threatened some respectability, but SC lost it on a low note with one going between the the legs for four.
Man of the Match - Tompy who got a duck, dropped a catch, but bowled well and paid his subs.
PS Blewbury are complete twats- did you see Sky's Cricket AM ?
Thursday, May 31, 2007
MCC Camera shy...........
Sky Sport sent a YTS reporter & cameraman to Blewbury to film the local derby on the Rubber Jonny pitch. Actually Blewbury have just won a prestigious award for the worst cricket pavilion in the country (they are the current holders too) and Sky couldn't wait to start filming the disgusting hovel. However, a delayed start, caused by a Blewbury retard, having make up applied to his huge conk, and fluffing his lines 5 times, did not work in our favour, and we were always struggling to score on the Splastic pitch. Ducks from Fuz, Ollie & Simon were greeted with glee, now the new "jug" rules are in operation, though Fuz claims he actually scored a 50, but was denied by the scorer. We capitulated to 69 for 11-how generous of our hosts, who are unable to play away games due to travel sickness, or is it that they can't afford the petrol ? Anyway, as Peter put it, "Bowling straight is tantamount to cheating on a Thursday evening "
Now to the positives...................
Good bowling on debut from Sam "Tadcaster" Smith, some great catching (no drops, and only 1 aborted attempt), the best "swagger" on view from Capt Jonny, a better pavilion, a better pub, better beer, better looking players, better WAGS. so as Howard would say - chin up- can't be good at everything.
Man of the match- Tadcaster
Now to the positives...................
Good bowling on debut from Sam "Tadcaster" Smith, some great catching (no drops, and only 1 aborted attempt), the best "swagger" on view from Capt Jonny, a better pavilion, a better pub, better beer, better looking players, better WAGS. so as Howard would say - chin up- can't be good at everything.
Man of the match- Tadcaster
Thursday, May 24, 2007
LMAO at Cuxham .....................
Jonny proved himself the complete "tosser" by calling correctly again, and decided to bat. He didn't count on Nigel rushing back past him to The Half Moon so quickly, but a Golden Duck is a life changer, and Nige has started drinking tops now, instead of shandies, as he struggles to deal with the shame of it. Luckily Lockey & Milesey were safe as usual, and Norman Stanley chipped in with a few to negate Fuzzy Duck's minimal contribution. Death from Above failed again, but a couple of cameos from Thompy on debut, & Olly helped us to 124. Captain Yaxley was finally out, but pronounced himself happy with 124, though he would have preferred to have the security of SS in the team at No 11. Cuxham fancied their chances big time, and even slagged us off to our undercover agent Vicky Picken. This information merely fuelled the desire to kill them them, and despite a dodgy first over courtesy of Ollie & "Chin Up" Williams, order was soon restored by tight bowling & fielding all round. A satisfying victory away from Fortress Moreton, and we need more of the same at Shitehole Blewbury next week.
PS New "fines" introduced this week by Captain Jonny.............
Golden Duck = 1 Jug
Duck = 1/2 Jug
Dropped Catch = 1/2 Jug
Being phoned in the pub by your nagging wife = 1/2 jug
Jug = 4 pints- be warned. Captains decision is final on catches-
if you go for a tough catch & fail it won't cost you !!
PS New "fines" introduced this week by Captain Jonny.............
Golden Duck = 1 Jug
Duck = 1/2 Jug
Dropped Catch = 1/2 Jug
Being phoned in the pub by your nagging wife = 1/2 jug
Jug = 4 pints- be warned. Captains decision is final on catches-
if you go for a tough catch & fail it won't cost you !!
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Mill St Stuffed
"A damp pitch"- mmm understatement of the year ! There is more life left in Gerald than that pitch, so we quickly revised our target score down from 250 to a more realistic 125. Stuart & his Gramps started steadily to give us a sound platform for the big hitters. But Bomber "bombed" & Sam stuttered, leaving Tim & Fuzz to top score before the tail wagged & Steeno scored the required single to reach 125 off the last ball. Skip looked quietly confident at the break, and Ollie, Sam & Fuzz didnt let us down with some tight opening overs. Nigel & Trevor were in buoyant mood having got their Thursday discounts at B& Q, and only a blind pigmy umpire deprived Fuzz of a clean bowled, out of the sun. Steeno, Peter & Howard shelled a few catches to keep them interested, but ultimately they were well beaten by a better team.
Man of the match Stuart Locke for a handy 20 & a blinding effort behind the stumps- Robbo should be worried.
Cuxham away next Thursday
Man of the match Stuart Locke for a handy 20 & a blinding effort behind the stumps- Robbo should be worried.
Cuxham away next Thursday
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Why ?
Can anyone explain why we failed to put up a team for The Village Cup Competition ? I know of several "useful" players who were not asked to play, and even if the opposition is very strong, such players would gain valuable experience playing in a higher grade. As it happens the game would probably have been called off due to rain, so we could have rescheduled, so a pretty poor decision if you ask me.
Anyone got any views on this one ?
Tim
Anyone got any views on this one ?
Tim
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Squash Crushed
A resounding victory for Midweek over the freeky fit feckers from Wallingford. Batting first, Squash started badly with a great run out from Matt, and a good catch on the boundary from Stuart. Good bowling from Jonny "stumpsoutoftheground" Yaxley, Matt & Ollie kept the run rate contained, and even though Simon C went for a fair few at the end, 141 looked possible on a fair batting track.
Nigel opened with Stuart, who could have been his grandson, and a superb partnership was forged, with Nige scoring prodigiously with his new blade- if only he'd bought it 50 years ago ! Nige retired, and Eg & Peter tried to f**k everything up, but their incompetence only spurred on Fletch & Fuzz. Sam will have to explain to the President, why he damaged the interior of the new pavilion-please see him in his office on Monday morning. A comfortble 7 wicket victory was achieved with 3 overs to spare.
To sum up in the words of the captain " cracking all round team performance from everyone, except ******** who was useless "
Next week Southfield home
Nigel opened with Stuart, who could have been his grandson, and a superb partnership was forged, with Nige scoring prodigiously with his new blade- if only he'd bought it 50 years ago ! Nige retired, and Eg & Peter tried to f**k everything up, but their incompetence only spurred on Fletch & Fuzz. Sam will have to explain to the President, why he damaged the interior of the new pavilion-please see him in his office on Monday morning. A comfortble 7 wicket victory was achieved with 3 overs to spare.
To sum up in the words of the captain " cracking all round team performance from everyone, except ******** who was useless "
Next week Southfield home
Low Full Toss...
Miele rocked up with a team consisting of mainly Germans and Kaz Miles. They wanted to bowl, we wanted to bat, and so to the crease went Nigel Hessey and Wilf....
...and back in came Wilf. To the untrained eye he looked like a madman galloping up the wicket for an ill-conceived swat at the ball, however upon his return to the pavilion, he confirmed our worst suspicions- a low full toss. They say that with a good batting partnership when you lose one, the others not too far behind, Moreton have extended this philosophy to include the entire middle order.
Only the skipper, with a committed performance, stemmed the tide of wickets (semi-ably abetted by my good self) hitting a lovely 27 not out. A short while afterwards Moreton were all out for 75 off 15 overs.
There were some other notable moments from the innings including;
-A slightly aggrieved Fuz traipsing back to the pavilion having been run out by Kaz, whilst standing just short of the non-strikers end. It was a rocket of a throw mind.
- Matt, who looked in good touch, holing out to a man on the boundary just seconds after the bowler had yelled 'bloody hell' at lobbing down a long hop.
- Yaxley and yours truly running 3, then needing to recover for the rest of the over - we're not all as sprightly as Nigel you know.
It was just after the last wicket fell that Miele's ringers abandoned their German accents.
Their opening pair set about despatching Moreton's bowlers into the neighbouring field, and despite Simon 'the magnificent seven' Claridge and Peter 'the bomber' Lancaster's best efforts they just could not recreate the elusive low full toss. Despite the rain, which would have been Moreton's saviour, the visitors knocked up the total with the loss of just 2 wickets- both to the captain.
So that's the first game then... next week we play the boys with rubber balls.
Nic
...and back in came Wilf. To the untrained eye he looked like a madman galloping up the wicket for an ill-conceived swat at the ball, however upon his return to the pavilion, he confirmed our worst suspicions- a low full toss. They say that with a good batting partnership when you lose one, the others not too far behind, Moreton have extended this philosophy to include the entire middle order.
Only the skipper, with a committed performance, stemmed the tide of wickets (semi-ably abetted by my good self) hitting a lovely 27 not out. A short while afterwards Moreton were all out for 75 off 15 overs.
There were some other notable moments from the innings including;
-A slightly aggrieved Fuz traipsing back to the pavilion having been run out by Kaz, whilst standing just short of the non-strikers end. It was a rocket of a throw mind.
- Matt, who looked in good touch, holing out to a man on the boundary just seconds after the bowler had yelled 'bloody hell' at lobbing down a long hop.
- Yaxley and yours truly running 3, then needing to recover for the rest of the over - we're not all as sprightly as Nigel you know.
It was just after the last wicket fell that Miele's ringers abandoned their German accents.
Their opening pair set about despatching Moreton's bowlers into the neighbouring field, and despite Simon 'the magnificent seven' Claridge and Peter 'the bomber' Lancaster's best efforts they just could not recreate the elusive low full toss. Despite the rain, which would have been Moreton's saviour, the visitors knocked up the total with the loss of just 2 wickets- both to the captain.
So that's the first game then... next week we play the boys with rubber balls.
Nic
Monday, March 05, 2007
M.C.C. on Tour...................
We are off to Sussex in July for a short tour. 3 matches on 11/12/13th July with 2 nights out in Brighton.
If you fancy a piece of the action, please email Simon Claridge. Simon.Claridge@demandtec.com
If you fancy a piece of the action, please email Simon Claridge. Simon.Claridge@demandtec.com
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Moreton V Didcot IV
Well Christmas is behind us, so the cricket season is not far away. This season we will have a midweek blog, which will allow you to contribute your views & thoughts, should you have any ! To wet your appetite for the forthcoming season, here is an extract from the report for our last midweek match v Jonny's XIII. Please feel free to contribute.............
"Most people are happy with a good piss up & a present for their birthday, but not JY. He had to have his very own cricket match to celebrate his tedious milestone, and he challenged MCC accordingly. To qualify for his elite team, he required players to be either a) one of the Didcot IV b) be called Tom or c) have the surname Yaxley. Sadly Howard & Fuzz picked up "girly" injuries, much to Robbo's disapproval, and all Didcot Toms were unavailable, or too expensive. Amazingly JY is the best cricketer in his family, so he had to lower his standards, hired Will MacDonald,& eventually fielded a Baker's dozen against our more traditional XI. MCC batted first and registered an acceptable 141 from 20 overs. The Unwashed capitulated under aerial bombardment from Ivan's Donkey droppers, and fell miserably short.
Jonny had tried to get an eminent person to present the trophy, and he also asked Gerald, but ultimately he had to throw the Toys R Us shield at skipper Squires himself. Ed of course dropped it, so it's currently being repaired. "
"Most people are happy with a good piss up & a present for their birthday, but not JY. He had to have his very own cricket match to celebrate his tedious milestone, and he challenged MCC accordingly. To qualify for his elite team, he required players to be either a) one of the Didcot IV b) be called Tom or c) have the surname Yaxley. Sadly Howard & Fuzz picked up "girly" injuries, much to Robbo's disapproval, and all Didcot Toms were unavailable, or too expensive. Amazingly JY is the best cricketer in his family, so he had to lower his standards, hired Will MacDonald,& eventually fielded a Baker's dozen against our more traditional XI. MCC batted first and registered an acceptable 141 from 20 overs. The Unwashed capitulated under aerial bombardment from Ivan's Donkey droppers, and fell miserably short.
Jonny had tried to get an eminent person to present the trophy, and he also asked Gerald, but ultimately he had to throw the Toys R Us shield at skipper Squires himself. Ed of course dropped it, so it's currently being repaired. "
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